The Perfect Happy Marriage (probably!)
by Ulquiorra9000
Summary: Ichigo wakes up one morning with a hangover and scattered memories... of getting hitched to a certain Sternritter lady! Can Ichigo handle married life? And what about the honeymoon? M for lemons. (Sequel to The Perfect Dream Date, but is readable on its own.)
1. Chapter 1

**The Perfect Happy Marriage (probably!)**

by Ulquiorra9000

 **Chapter 1**

"... Ichigo, darling. Wake up!"

"Huh... what...?"

21-year-old Ichigo groaned and blinked open his eyes, and he winced at the bright morning light that flooded his rental house's bedroom. Ouch! Why did his head ache and throb? Why was he so... _thirsty_? He lay sprawled on his queen-size bed over the covers, still in his everyday clothes.

Then he saw a familar face hovering over his, the girl's eyes bright and cheery, a cautious smile on her face. She gently slapped his left cheek. "Hey, you're finally up!"

"Up... isn't the word." Ichigo ran a hand over his face, his mind whirling like a blender. "Who..." He blinked again and bolted upright. "Candice?! How did... why are you even here?"

Candice sat cross-legged on the bed and toyed with her mint-green hair, her smile wider. "Ichigo, darling, you don't remember _any_ of it?"

Ichigo rubbed his head, his orange hair matted and messed up. "Any of what?" He swallowed; damn, he was thirsty!

Candice giggled. " _Our_ night, Ichigo. It was so much fun. The biggest night of my life! All our friends were there, but your dad and sisters couldn't make it... I'm not even sure they know. We should fix that."

"Whoa, slow down." Ichigo held out a hand to slow Candice down. "Biggest night of your life? What, did you get married or something?"

Then he saw the gold wedding ring on the hand he was holding up. He gasped and seized his wrist. "What... what!" His heart raced, his headache forgotten.

Candice held up her left hand to show off her own gold band. "Happy one day anniversary, husband dear! Well, more like 12 hours... happy half-day anniversary?" She frowned as she thought it over.

"N-no no no..." Ichigo scrambled back and hit the wall, staring at Candice... his _wife_? "I don't even remember any of that! What are you..." Then he realized that his hangover was not a coincidence. He scowled. "You got me hammered and dragged me to some marriage license bureau or something, didn't you?"

Candice nodded. "Plus the impromptu ceremony! Short, but sweet. Uryu was your best man, and Orihime was the _perfect_ maid of honor!" She clasped her hands fondly at her chest. "I wish you remembered it..."

Ichigo looked around the room as though trying to find an emergency exit. Then he started to recall bits and pieces of last night. It had started out as a typical college party with some of his college buds and his longtime friends, like Orihime and Chad and Keigo... through the hazy memory, he saw Uryu in a tux, looking flustered but dignified, and Keigo crying happy tears on his shoulder...

With another groan, Ichigo swung his legs over the edge of the bed. "You've gotta help me fix this, Candice. I-I can't be _married_ to you! This is..." He went red as more of the implications hit him, and he couldn't bring himself to look straight at Candice. "I'm not ready for this!" he wailed.

"Sure you are, darling." Candice wrapped her arms around her husband (he'd have to get used to that) and kissed his cheek. "We've already got a house -"

" _I've_ got a house! I'm renting this place with a few classmates. I dunno where _you're_ staying -" Ichigo said hotly.

Candice hummed to herself. "I'm staying here with you! Our future begins here, Ichigo. Are you ready? I sure am!"

 _Oh, no._ Ichigo burst free of his wife's grip and ran through the house in his tank top and sleep shorts, sweat gathering on his forehead as he scoped the place out. The other guys weren't here, thank goodness, but lots of new things were! Like the heart-shaped pillows on the couch (the couch which _used_ to look manly), an old Super Nintendo that now sat next to Ichigo's Xbox One (Candice was oddly old-fashioned at times), and more stuff... and more! A bunch of extra food crammed in the pantry! New pairs of shoes by the door! A poster of One Direction (seriously?) on the wall!

Ichigo seized his head in agony as the house seemed to spin around him. "Noooooooo!"

 _"Yes,"_ Candice said gently, and she came up from behind and wrapped her arms around Ichigo's waist, holding on tighter this time. "Isn't this cozy, Ichigo?" she whispered sweetly into his ear. She ran her tongue along his skin with tingles of lightning. "I moved right out of Orihime's place while you were asleep. She was so kind to help me! Uryu and Chad, too. They wished us the best of luck together."

Ichigo sighed. "Chad, Keigo, Uryu... they all backed this up, huh? Gee, I sure _used_ to have loyal friends..."

Candice made a pouting noise. "That's not nice, darling."

"Candice, come on. I know, we've been dating off and on the last few years, but this is too fast."

"We'll be fine." Candice gave him another lick. "Everyone gave us their blessing! Now, relax. How about breakfast? You must be famished."

Ichigo sure was, but he had a crazy mess to undo here, and there was no time to waste. None at all! "I, uh... sure. Let me get dressed first, though."

"I'll get cooking, then!" Candice let him go and pranced into the kitchen, where she started getting out random pots, pans, and vegetable oil with abandon, humming to herself. She threw on a sky-blue apron over her blouse and short jean shorts, and got to work. On... whatever she was trying to make.

Ichigo, meanwhile, tip-toed back into his bedroom, shut the door, and swung open the closet doors. At once, a colorful avalanche of new clothes poured out and buried him. _I should have figured!_ Ichigo eventually emerged from Candice's pile of clothes and threw on his usual jeans and logo tee, then started plotting his escape. He checked his cell phone. Should he ask Orihime first? She was pretty savvy about these things...

He sent her a covert text, then pocketed his phone and warily made his way back to the kitchen, and sat at the table.

"Well _there_ you are!" Candice placed a hot plate of scrambled eggs, toast, and fried sausage in front of him, and sat opposite him with a similar breakfast. She beamed. "What took you so long?"

"Well... your wardrobe attacked me," Ichigo said dryly.

Candice giggled. "Sorry, I kind of crammed everything I had in there. I'm gonna sort out our closet today, though. Don't worry."

" _Our_ closet, huh?" Ichigo tried the eggs; not bad!

"Darling, we're married. We share _everything_." Candice said the last word in a seductive whisper, leaning across the table like she was sharing some dire secret.

Ichigo gulped. Such implications!

"Anyway," Candice said, starting on her breakfast, "darling, do you have any classes today?"

"No, but I've got some tomorrow -"

"Great!" Candice clapped her hands together, and she let out a bit of lightning between her fingers. "You can help me look for a fun job or something today. Maybe I could be a babysitter or petsitter, or deliver newspapers!"

Ichigo snorted with amusement. "Did you look at a job listing in a cartoon?"

Candice burst out laughing. "Sorry. But I dunno how big jobs in the human world work. I mean, what does a lawyer or engineer or scholar even _do_?"

"Point taken." Ichigo had no desire to pursue _those_ jobs, either. He'd wear himself down to a nub. "Hey, this is pretty good." He pointed at his plate. Finally, something going right this morning!

"I took a few more cooking classes. Maybe you should, too!" Candice pointed at Ichigo. She licked her lips. "No, we should go together and make something _spicy_..."

Ichigo recalled the last time they took a cooking class together. _I thought I was done with that!_

Once they were done, Candice whisked away the plates and threw them into the sink with a loud clatter. "So," she said, hands on her curvy hips, "how about you show me all the nice shops and movie theaters and things around here? What's a girl to in this neck of the woods?"

"There's... some stuff," Ichigo said vaguely. He glanced at the door. "Let me go get the morning paper, okay? That's what husbands do."

"Okie dokie!" Candice waved good-bye, and Ichigo left the house as casually as he could manage to appear. Then, once he shut the door and pressed his ear to the wood to listen and confirm that Candice wasn't following him, he sighed, then broke into a mad sprint!

Forget the morning paper. Ichigo had a little rendezvous to make! He didn't stop bookin' it until he reached a casual sushi bar in the next city block, and he wove his way through the morning crowds and leaned against the wall, hands on his pockets. Someone's dog barked, and a businessman shuffled along, his nose in the morning paper while two kids played tag. Just a normal morning for everyone else. How Ichigo envied them!

Orihime Inoue emerged from the crowds, wearing a lime-green sundress in the September warmth, and she waved hello and joined her friend. "Good morning, Ichigo! What's so urgent on a day like this?" she asked.

Ichigo covertly glanced around. No one was listening in; good. " _This_ is what's so urgent." He held up his hand to show his wedding band. "Orihime, what the hell happened? This is nuts!"

Orihime put her hands on her hips and tossed her reddish hair. "Hey, that's not nice, Ichigo!"

Ichigo jolted. "S-say what?"

"You were so happy last night," Orihime told him firmly. "How can you talk that way about your _wife_?"

"Orihime, I was hammered! Plastered! Wasted!" Ichigo cried. People stared, and he hastily lowered his voice. "I'm not ready for this. I told Candice that, but she didn't listen. She never does."

Orihime's bright gray eyes softened, and she took hold of her friend's shoulders. "Look, Ichigo... you've been dating Candice off and on for so long, and it seemed like you were leading her on without dedicating yourself to anything. So we all, uh, sped things along!"

Ichigo scowled. "With a great quantity of sake?"

Orihime blushed. "Well, yes." She squeezed Ichigo's shoulders. "I'll make you a deal, okay? Just give the marriage a few days, and see how you like it. If you both _really_ can't work things out, I'll help undo this. But Candice, she's my good friend! I've never seen her this happy! She really loves you, you know."

Ichigo went red and thought about Candice's wide smile, that eager glint in her eyes, how she likes to dance and twirl about... "I'll... okay. Deal." Then something else occured to him. "But don't tell my dad or sisters until I decide to keep my marriage to her. Okay?"

Orihime nodded. "Okay!"

"So... she's really my wife now."

"Yup! She even took your last name."

"Candice Kurosaki." Ichigo tested the sound in his mouth. It felt jarring. "Oh, man, this is crazy..."

"Hey, I promise to help keep this low-key for now," Orihime assured Ichigo, letting him go. "Nice and quiet."

"Well, _I'm_ not making that promise! Woohoo!"

Both Ichigo and Orihime jumped when Giselle Gewelle popped up out of nowhere, her big goofy grin in place. She jabbed a finger into Ichigo's stomach. "Candice deserves the very best, buster, and I'm gonna drag it out of you! Consider that a friendly warning!"

Ichigo swatted Giselle's finger away. "You helped orchestrate this lunacy, didn't you?"

"Yup!"

Then Meninas McAllon joined her friend. "You don't realize how lucky you are, Ichigo," she said earnestly. "Candice is perfect for you!"

"Perfect for driving me up the wall," Ichigo retorted.

Meninas seized his shirt collar with sudden strength and dragged him closer. "You're her husband now, Kurosaki. You have to hold up your end, understand?" Meninas' gentle expression didn't change, but her tone doubled in intensity.

"Meninas! Stop that!" Orihime waved her hands.

"Well, Ichigo?" Giselle asked. "You've got to please your wife in _all_ ways possible! Can you do it?"

Ichigo tried not to show any of his terror on his face. _Trying... trying!_ "O-okay. I'll do my best for her. For sure!"

Meninas let him go and dusted off her hands. "Wonderful!" She smiled.

"Just remember, Kurosaki," Giselle added, "if I think you're slippin' up, I'll help put the spice back in your marriage. By _any means necessary_."

Ichigo had no doubt.

Satisfied, Giselle and Meninas melted back into the crowd to go get snacks or something.

Ichigo wearily turned back to Orihime. "Everything around here has strings attached, huh?"

Orihime made an embarassed giggle. "I'm sorry, Ichigo, but there's not much I can do to stop those two. They're wild!"

"Yeah, and so is my brand-new wife."

Orihime gently patted Ichigo's cheeks. "Just listen to your feelings, even if you have to dig deep, okay? You'll do great!" Then she skipped off, almost definitely to get a snack somewhere.

Ichigo took one last deep breath of free air and marched back home. And this time, he'd actually get the morning paper.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Perfect Happy Marriage (probably!)**

by Ulquiorra9000

 **Chapter 2**

It was a comforting and familiar feeling to be back on Karakura University's front grounds as Ichigo made his way to a lecture hall on the east side, passing under blossom trees and working his way through crowds of chattering students. Here, everything felt normal, right, stable...

Unlike his new marriage!

Well sure, Candice was a nice girl, but Ichigo groaned as he recalled his attempt to acclimate her to this part of town yesterday, the hip, trendy area that had a reputation to uphold. Ichigo must have apologized a thousand times to random people as Candice had shoved her way through crowds, loudly asked awkward questions, made even more innapropriate questions (like at Bath and Body Works), and broke about thirty thousand yen's worth of merchandise. And Giselle Gewelle, who had been shadowing them, must have broken twice as much stuff!

Nothin' like an afternoon of classes to put things straight.

Ichigo settled into his usual desk in Mr. Shinara's advanced journalism class and relaxed as the older man discussed Japanese popular media in the 1950s and 60s, and Ichigo idly twirled a pen between his fingers, his mind entering a pleasant buzz. Around him, students scribbled in notebooks or typed notes into laptops, everyone quiet and serious. At last!

Then Ichigo's phone vibrated in his pocket.

Making sure that Mr. Shinara wasn't looking, Ichigo covertly snuck a glance at his phone. _**From: Candice K.**_ _Ichigo, honey, I'm getting a bit bored here at home! How much longer will you be away?_

Ichigo hastened to type in a response. Auto-correct helped him type out _I'll be back arouind 4:00. You'll be fine, Candice!_

Then her response: _Oh, I'm feeling mighty fine today, darling ;)_

Ichigo swallowed, and his skin tingled. Uh-oh...

"Kurosaki? Is there some reason you're looking at your phone?" Mr. Shinara snapped.

Ichigo stuffed his phone into his pocket and sat up straighter. "It was nothing, professor. I'm fine."

Mr. Shinara shrugged and resumed the lecture. Everything settled back down.

But fifteen minutes later, one of the girls seated by the window looked outside and burst into a fit of giggles.

"Is there a _problem_?" Mr. Shinara said, throwing down his dry-erase marker and glaring at the offending student.

"It's... uh..." The girl choked out between giggles.

Ichigo dared to peek out the window.

Right outside the window stood Candice Kurosaki, wearing a blue babydoll tee and a short skirt, waving energetically at Ichigo as though she stood on the bow of a departing cruise ship. She hopped up and down.

More students broke out giggling and Mr. Shinara made an alarmed noise. "What the devil...?" he cried.

Then Candice pointed at Ichigo and made kissing gestures with her lips, and she blew another kiss right at him, winking the whole time.

Ichigo felt himself go red and he was sure that some spotlight was shining down on him. He buried his face behind his book. _I'm not here! I'm not here!_ He managed to stay undercover even when he heard Candice knock on the window, and the students around him burst out laughing.

"Hey, man, is that your girlfriend?" the guy behind Ichigo asked, leaning in closer.

"N-no!" Ichigo cried, which was _technically_ true.

The guy whistled. "She's gotta be, Ichigo. I'm jealous!"

 _If only you knew, buddy!_ Ichigo thought.

Ichigo heard someone gasp, and he finally dared to look. He almost gasped too when he saw a campus security guard chasing Candice in loops around the front lawn, and he faintly heard Candice laughing her head off, her arms held out wide at her sides. She let out a stray zap of lightning, and the guard jolted and collapsed.

Then things got really intense when another pair of guards intercepted Candice and tackled her to the ground, and dragged her off.

Ichigo sighed deeply and stood up. "Sorry, Mr. Shinara, but I've gotta go to the security office."

Mr. Shinara did not look sorry to see Ichigo leave.

*o*o*o*o*

"What can I say, honey? I was bored!" Candice cried ten minutes later.

"Yeah, you told me over the phone." Ichigo rested his hand on Candice's back as he led her out of the security office. "But c'mon, barging onto campus? You're lucky you only got a warning."

Candice sighed theatrically. "Yeah, I know. I can't go sneaking around places in the world of the living."

Ichigo decided not to mention that she's lived here off and on for five years but still acted like it was her first day. He didn't want to look under that rock.

Instead, Ichigo made a bracing smile. "Look, I'll only have class for two more hours, and I'll be back home. Okay? I promise."

Candice smiled back and gently ran her fingers down her husband's cheek. "I promise I won't break any more rules. I'll behave."

"So, I'll see you at home?"

"What other classes do you have today?"

Ichigo faltered. "Uh... an art class. Why?"

"See you later, Ichigo." Candice kissed him on the cheek and drifted down a side hallway and out of sight.

Ichigo got a funny feeling about that.

*o*o*o*o*

Ichigo's last class for today met in a small studio at the northernmost part of campus, and he filed into the studio's main room with his handful of classmates, ready to work. Today, the teacher, Ms. Nakima, clapped her hands together, her bangles rattling on her wrists.

"Okay, folks, we're moving right into human body art, as I explained in our last lecture," she said briskly, her eyes sharp behind her plastic-frame glasses. She strode across the room, her heels going click-clack as she went. "Get to your easels, and the subjects will be right in. Be sure to make this worth all their trouble."

The students exchanged excited whispers, and Ichigo knew why. Sure enough, through a side door strode several fully nude young men and women, none of them the least bit abashed at posing for nude art. Ichigo rubbed his hands together and willed the creative juices to start flowing in his brain. Time for some _art!_

Then he realized that his subject, who had just sat on the stool before him, was his lovely wife.

"Candice!" Ichigo blurted, and he went beet-red, waving his hands as though to shoo her away.

Candice smiled and went pink. She sat delicately on the stool, her wavy green hair spilling over her bare shoulders. "Hi there, honey. Miss me?"

"B-but..." Ichigo fought for the words. "We agreed...!"

"I got permission to be a model," Candice said, giggling as she clasped her hands at her navel. "So now I'm allowed on campus, just like you wanted! I'm ready whenever you are." She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, and she broke out giggling again.

A few students glanced over at Ichigo and Candice and gave them funny looks. Ichigo waved them away and cleared his throat. "S-so, uh... you'll have to hold still. I need time to draw everything."

"Of course, darling," Candice said in her best sexy coo. She struck a modest but seductive pose on the stool, and Ichigo got to work.

Ichigo drew broad strokes to set up Candice's outline, and he grinned to himself as he started adding detail. This wasn't awkward at all! Very nice, actually, and classy. His wife took shape on the paper as Ichigo drew her body with the caress of his pencil, and he felt the magic of his art come _alive_. Perfect! A modern masterpiece for sure!

Then Ichigo jumped when Candice turned to fully face him, a naughty look on her face. "H-h-hey, you have to hold still," Ichigo protested.

"I know, but..." Candice sighed seductively, and she slowly glided her fingers up her large breasts and cupped them. "I'm getting a little turned on, Ichigo. I don't think I've ever exposed myself to you like this before. Mmmmmmmm..."

"G-get back in your stance!" Ichigo cried, but it was too late. As the other students and models watched curiously, Candice made another sexy sigh and gently squeezed her breasts, and she toyed with her left nipple between her fingers, stretching it a bit and letting it go again. She even licked her fingers and rubbed the slick skin across her nipple, caressing it, massaging it...

"Seriously!" Ichigo hissed, but his pencil wasn't moving anymore as his eyes drank in the sight of his wife before him, and he felt the blood thundering in his ears. The other students giggled as Candice stroked her bare breasts, and now she ran her hands down her waist and along her legs. She gently swayed back and forth, tossing her hair.

"Well? Aren't you gonna draw me, honey?" Candice cooed, still gliding her fingers along her legs. "Aren't you an artist?"

Ichigo swallowed in his dry throat. "O-of course I am!" he yelped, mesmerized. He hoped the other students didn't notice how taut the front of his jeans had become!

Candice swung her legs down and strode over to her husband. She wrapped her arms around him and ran her fingers down his cheek, pressing her self against him. "Oooooooh, you're good at this," she breathed as she examined the half-done sketch. She ran her tongue along Ichigo's ear. "You gotta finish it."

Ichigo was panting for breath. "B-but you're right here next to me. I can't finish it like this..."

Some of the other students backed away as Candice started rolling up Ichigo's T-shirt, revealing his well-defined abs. She ran her hand along the muscle. "Maybe I should draw _you_ ," she said, and she pulled the shirt off over Ichigo's head and tossed it aside. "You're wearing way too many clothes, though..." She let off another tantalizing zap.

Ichigo tossed aside his pencil and took hold of his wife's shoulders. "Hey, slow down! I wasn't approved as a model." He tried to act like a responsible student, but damn, it was hard to say no to a gal like this! Why did Candice have to make everything so awkward and weird?! All he wanted was one normal day!

Candice smiled and undid Ichigo's zipper. "Well, _I_ give you my full approval! C'mon, let's get these jeans off." She crouched and started sliding Ichigo's jeans down his legs -

Ms. Nakima draped a towel over Candice's shoulders and pried her off her husband. "That's enough, Mrs. Kurosaki! You're outta here. You too, Ichigo."

Ichigo sputtered as his classmates giggled again. "Hey, why me too?!"

"You managed to disrupt my class. Something you've never done before," Ms. Nakima said sharply, adjusting her glasses.

Ichigo opened his mouth to protest, but instead sighed and got his clothes back in order and headed out with Candice. He shut the door a little harder than he meant to.

"That was fun," Candice said brightly, letting her towel hang loosely off her shoulders. "Too bad we didn't get to finish, though. You've gotta draw _every detail_..." She let her breath tickle Ichigo's ear.

Ichigo made an exasperated noise. "Not on campus! This is where I go to study! To get my degree! Not to screw around!"

Candice looked hurt. "I just wanted to help."

Ichigo forced himself to relax. "I'm sorry," he said gently. "But... look, why don't we figure out our marrige at home, where there's no chance of collateral damage?"

"But I want to step into your life, Ichigo," Candice argued as they rounded the corner.

"I know," Ichigo said, and he really meant it. "How about we turn it down a notch outside, and I'll make up for it at home? In the privacy of our bedroom, I mean." His eyes widened; was he already used to sharing everything with his wife? _Our_ bedroom, _our_ closet, _our_ new life together...

"Is that a promise?" Candice's eyes lit up, and she clasped Ichigo's hand.

Ichigo smiled. "Promise."

Candice suddenly pinned Ichigo to the wall and shrugged off her towel as she pressed herself against him. "I'll hold you to that." She enveloped him in a hot, wet kiss, running her hands along Ichigo's face, her lips sweet on his. Ichigo leaned into it, and damn, he felt like he needed this! Like always, Candice somehow knew a way to get him under her spell once their bodies touched.

His jeans were still taut.

"O-okay," Ichigo panted once they parted. He couldn't stop grinning as he wiped his lips with the back of his hand. "I was already kicked out of class, so I guess we'll head home."

As Candice wrapped the towel more tightly around herself, Ichigo thought he saw two familiar girls, one with pink locks, the other with antenna-like hair, peeking around the next corner and vanish from sight.


	3. Chapter 3

**The Perfect Happy Marriage (probably!)**

by Ulquiorra9000

Author's note: smutty lemons galore!

 **Chapter 3**

Ichigo stuck his housekey into the lock, swung open the door, and immediately found himself wrapped in a tight hug.

"Ichigoooooo!" Candice squeezed her husband and nuzzled his cheek. "Welcome home! I missed you!" Today, she wore a pale blue sundress and a thin gold necklace.

"M-missed you too, Candice!" Ichigo choked out. "I-I can't breathe!"

Candice let her husband go and stepped back to let him in, beaming. "You're just in time, darling. Wash your hands, and let's eat!"

"Eat..." Ichigo changed into his house slippers and gasped when he took in the home-cooked dinner for two waiting on the dinner table, the lighted candles, and the smooth jazz playing on the home entertainment system. Evening light glowed through the window blinds, adding a charming color.

Ichigo turned to his wife. "You did all this for _me_?"

"Uh-huh." Candice nodded, hands clasped at her navel. "Like it?"

"I... yeah, this is great." Ichigo shrugged off his backpack, washed up, and joined Candice at the table. A pretty typical Japanese dinner, but with huge servings and lots of spices! And sake in fine wineglasses Ichigo hadn't seen before.

"Let's dig in. Thanks for doing all this for me, Candice." Ichigo took a bite, and whoa, the flavor was strong!

"It's nothing, darling," Candice said, taking a bite. "I've been looking forward to this all day." She toyed with her vegetables, going pink in the face and glancing around. "So, uh... how was your day?"

Ichigo swallowed. "My day?"

"I've... always wanted to ask someone that," Candice said shyly. "It shows that we're committed and can share anything, you know? Everything about you is important to me." Candice smiled again. "So, how was your day?"

Ichigo nodded and wiped his mouth with a cloth napkin. Hell, it was a fair question. "Today's Thursday, and I've got the bulk of my classes on Thursdays. I'm beat, and I've got some studying and essays ahead of me, too. A lot, actually!" He winced.

"Art stuff, right?"

"All kinds," Ichigo explained as he started on his fish. "I'm trying to decide what I want to do later on. One idea I had was to be a traveling blogger. See the world, document it, all that pizzazz."

"Blogger?" Candice tilted her head.

"Kind of like... an online journalist, or sharing a detailed journal," Ichigo told her, waving his chopsticks around. "I've been thinkin' about it for a while. In my freshman year I took an intro to journalism class 'cause it fit my schedule, and I kinda liked it. Words come easily to me, somehow." He took a sip of sake. It tasted rather expensive... "So, I stuck with it."

Candice hummed happily to herself as she leaned on her elbow, still toying with her food as she kept her eyes on Ichigo. "I was right: this _is_ nice, isn't it? We should do this every day, Ichigo, just have dinner together and share. I can feel our marriage really coming together!"

Ichigo nodded again and grinned. "So far, so good." He tapped his wineglass with a fingernail. "Did you buy these today?"

"Yeah! I did lots of fun stuff while you were at your blogger classes." Candice clapped her hands together, her eyes bright. "Orihime and Tatsuki were around, so I made them show me around."

"Made them?"

Candice giggled. "They were busy, but I convinced them to help me instead. So... first, Orihime showed me all kinds of home decor stuff at this huge department store down the street, and I got these wineglasses, the tablecloth, the candles..."

Ichigo just now noticed the white, lacy tablecloth. Just as well; it hid all the scratches and chipped parts of this poor old table! "Nice," he commented.

"Then, after lunch, Tatsuki took me to Super Fitness World down the street," Candice added excitedly. "I learned karate! It was really cool! And tiring..."

Ichigo could picture it now. "Did Tatsuki teach you all her good moves?"

Candice giggled again. "No, she's too skilled for me. We had this older guy teach the class. And he told me about all the colored belts, too. Why are there so many? It would take forever to get a black belt!"

Ichigo shrugged. "Dunno. I've beat up punks before, but I didn't really get into karate." He brightened. "You gonna keep taking classes?" _Please, oh please burn off all your crazy energy in karate!_

Candice nodded. "Yup! Tatsuki said it's good peer-bonding stuff. I can show you my moves later!"

"Yeah, sure." Ichigo took a deep breath and felt all his pent-up stress melting away. Was Candice turning over a new leaf? This classy atmosphere, a nice chat over dinner... if it weren't for Ichigo being black-out drunk on his wedding night, this marriage could end up perfect!

Candice pushed back her chair and stood, beaming. "Ichigo, let's dance. Over in the living room. Please?"

Amused, Ichigo stood and took his wife's hand, and led her into the living room. He held her waist and slow-danced with her, turning around on the spot. "How's this?" he asked.

Candice lay her head on Ichigo's shoulder. "Perfect, darling. Actually... can we go faster?"

"In a minute." Ichigo wondered what Candice was up to, but he didn't sense any scheming or insanity in this... just a fine evening after all. Right? Probably!

Ichigo savored the slow, calming dance, and the jazz in his eardrums as the shadows lengthened. Then, he picked up the remote and changed the music. "Ever do waltz?"

"Yeah!"

"Then let's waltz." Ichigo changed his posture a bit, and now he and Candice roved all around the living room, waltzing faster and faster, their bodies pressed close together, Candice's sundress flapping as Candice twirled about. Ichigo couldn't wipe that big, goofy grin off his face as he moved with the music, and he felt himself starting to sweat, his face warm. Such speed!

"Is your... heart racing like mine?" Candice panted, her green hair fluttering.

"Y-yeah," Ichigo said, his voice catching in his throat. What _was_ this? His heart was going crazy, his mouth was dry, his mind was going fuzzy... it almost felt like...

Candice pressed her face closer and mashed her lips on Ichigo's, and through the mental haze, Ichigo tasted Candice's sweet lips, the sensation oddly distinct and loud in his mind. What was... going on? Everything... loopy...

"C-Candice," Ichigo gasped, "what was in the food?"

"Oh, my secret ingredient," Candice said slyly. "Let's dance faster! Come on!"

The music seemed too loud in Ichigo's ears. His legs wobbled. "What was in there?!" he damanded.

Candice giggled, clearly embarassed. "Okay, um... Giselle lent me this aphrodisiac, but I might've put in a _wee_ bit too much."

Ichigo sputtered. "You did what?! Dammit, Candice! You..." His voice trailed off, his mind scrambling like an egg.

Candice found a clear patch of carpet and gave her husband a gentle shove. Ichigo went flat on his back, and before he could move, Candice kneeled over him, straddling him, her chest heaving. "L-let's have some fun, Ichigo," she panted. "C'mon..." She licked her lips.

Ichigo couldn't escape. Candice was no doubt going wonky from the mystery aphrodisiac, and this girl had no limits! He had to do something -  
Then, Ichigo changed his mind when Candicve sighed breathily and lifted the skirt of her sundress. "Do you want me?" Candice asked, her eyes unfocused. "D'you want me, Ichigo?"

"Y-yeah..." Ichigo felt his skin tingle as Candice hiked her skirt higher, and he automatically reached over and stroked his wife's wide hips, toying with the fabric of her pink panties. He felt himself getting aroused, his breaths coming in deep gasps. But dammit, what was Candice's game? Messing with him like this! Did she even trust him to love her without help? Is this what a wife does to her hus -

Candice sighed again and raised her arms as she slid off her sundress entirely, tossing it onto the couch. She leaned over and kissed Ichigo's forehead, leaving a trail of kisses as she went down to his chin, then his neck. She tore off Ichigo's shirt and ran her tongue along his skin, her lightning tingling him.

"Wh-what are you doing?" Ichigo asked woozily.

"Givin' you what you want, darling." Candice sat up and reached behind her back. She unclasped her bra and tossed it onto her sundress, her sweaty, bare breasts heaving in the evening light.

Ichigo cupped Candice's breasts in his hands, his fingers fiddling with her enlarged nipples. His jeans grew taut. "You like that?" Ichigo panted.

"Yeah..." Candice threw back her head and sighed with delight, her green hair starting to form damp clumps from excited sweat. "Hey, how 'bout your jeans?" She lifted herself into a crouch and unzipped Ichigo's stylish skinny jeans, then slid them off. Now she lowered herself onto Ichigo again, groaning.

Ichigo blinked a few times as Candice's mystery aphrodisiac kept fogging up his brain. Where was he? What time was it? Oh, who cared! His wife was simply _beautiful_ , and she was right there, on top of him...!

Candice started grinding her pelvis back and forth on Ichigo's skin, faster and faster, her panties soft on Ichigo's skin. "You like that?" she said, echoing her husband. "Hmmmmmm?" Her bare breasts jiggled back and forth on her heaving chest, bits of lightning crackling along her skin.

"Oh yeah..." Ichigo felt his desire welling up in him, hot and eager. But he couldn't think straight... the room seemed to be spinning around him... what was he supposed to do?!

"I gotta have you, Ichigo, darling..." While still grinding, Candice leaned over again and took Ichigo's head in her hands and kissed him wetly, her lips zapping him playfully. "D'you want me?"

"Y-you already asked that..." Ichigo gasped between kisses. "And yeah, I d-do..." He felt Candice's breasts brush his chest, her nipples tickling him. Now _this_ was something to look forward to coming home to...!

"I... ohhhhhh..." Candice toppled off of Ichigo, sprawled next to him in her sweat-damp panties, gasping for breath. "Ichigooooo..."

"U-uh oh..." Ichigo shakily got to his hands and knees, gently patting Candice's cheek. "Y-you okay?" He blinked a few times, trying to clear his mind. But... so hazy...!

"I-I love you, Ichigo darling..." Candice slurred at the ceiling. "C'mere and devour me..."

"I... what now?" Ichigo shook his head, and he felt light-headed and floaty. "Am I supposed to feed you more?"

"Ichigo... I w-want..."

"Okay, I think that's enough!"

Ichigo jumped when the front door burst open and Meninas and Giselle stormed in, both in their old Sternritter outfits. Meninas, the speaker, nervously held her hands together under her chin as she stared at the two lovers on the floor. "Gigi, I _told_ you that powder was too strong!"

"Seems fine to me!" Giselle shaded her eyes with a hand and looked down at her handiwork. "I really brought them together this time, didn't I?"

"B-but..." Meninas prodded Ichigo with her foot. "Just _look_ at them!"

Giselle shrugged. "I'm counting this as a success."

Ichigo groaned. "H-help us..."

Meninas put her hands on her hips. "This isn't love, Gigi, it's insanity! I'm taking care of them right now. Are you helping or not?"

"Oh, fine..."

Meninas draped Ichigo over her shoulder and carried him to bed while Giselle dragged Candice along, and the Sternritter girls deposited both Kurosakis onto the bed, sprawled next to each other.

"See? Perfect lovers," Giselle said, saluting them. "I can't imagine a more precious sight!"

"I sure can," Meninas said. "Gigi, why are you always the devil on Candi's shoulder?"

"It's 'cause you're always the angel, Minnie," Giselle said, poking her friend's cheek. "The tame, boring angel!"

"Th-that's not true at all."

"At least _I_ get the ball rolling, huh?" Giselle repositioned Ichigo and Candice next to each other and draped one of Ichigo's arms across Candice's bare chest. "There. They can stay that way all night."

Meninas rubbed her chin. "That doesn't look entirely comfortable."

"Eh, close enough." Giselle clapped her hand on Meninas' shoulder and escorted her out of the bedroom. "So, I hear that there's a fantastic video game arcade down the block..."

Meninas looked intrigued. "You don't say?"

Ichigo watched Giselle and Meninas go and he heard the front door shut. He glanced over at his wife, his mind finally starting to clear. "I can't believe you drugged me. Can't you let me try to love you normally?"

Candice licked her lips. "I'm sorry. But it's really Gigi's fault! She lied about how strong that powder was. I just wanted a fun evening with my husband..."

Ichigo sighed. It would take him a while to get over _this_! "Candice, honey, you need better friends."

Candice groaned her agreement.


	4. Chapter 4

**The Perfect Happy Marriage (probably!)**

by Ulquiorra9000

 **Chapter 4**

"Good morning, darling. Want some breakfast?"

It was already sunny when Ichigo woke up, and he gasped as he found himself face-to-face with his beaming wife. Candice knelt on top of him with a breakfast tray in her hands, hot and ready.

"Whoa!" Ichigo scooted back a bit. "I don't get any quiet mornings around here, do I?" He put a hand over his racing heart. He reached over for his alarm clock, but it was already off. That's odd...

Candice held the tray a bit closer. "Nope! It's the start of a new day, Ichigo. Don't you want to make the most of it?"

"S...sure. Thanks." Then Ichigo yelped in alarm. "Candice, what -?"

He realized that Candice was flaunting her most revealing nightie, a lacy silk garment that proudly showed off her ample bust, and its hem was way too high up her thighs. As Ichigo stared, Candice took a piece of toast, smiled wickedly, and wedged it between her breasts.

Candice set the tray on Ichigo's nightstand and pressed herself closer to her husband, her green hair spilling over her shoulders. She half-closed her eyes and sighed. "Want some toast?"

"I-it's too early for this!" Ichigo held up his hands to shield himself, but darn it, he already felt himself getting aroused... Candice's chest was so close, and he was so hungry...!

"Open wide," Candice offered, and she delicately ran her hands down her bosom.

Ichigo couldn't help himself; he took an eager bite of the hot toast, his nose and cheeks lovingly brushing against Candice's skin. He finished his bite and took another, this time leaning in, holding his wife's shoulders, savoring the feel of her warm skin in his hands. "Mmmmmm, this is good," he said through a mouthful.

"I brought fruit, too," Candice added when the toast was finished. She took a strawberry from a fruit bowl and held it between her teeth. "Come and get it!"

Ichigo held Candice's waist in his hands, his heart thumping wildly as he brought his mouth closer to Candice's. He bit down and took half while Candice savored the other half. Mmmmmmm, sweet fruit in the morning!

"Here's another one." Now, Candice held a green grape between her teeth, and she took Ichigo's head in her hands and pressed her lips over his, passing the grape into his mouth. Ichigo ate it. Delish!

"Good breakfast," Ichigo said breathlessly. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"I know, right? C'mere." Candice held a peeled orange wedge between her lips, and this time, she took hold of Ichigo's shoulders and fell back, positioning Ichigo on top of her. Candice groaned with delight as she lay flat on her back, Ichigo poised right over her.

"Wh-whoa." Ichigo grinned awkwardly as Candice wrapped her legs around him and squeezed, pressing his navel close to hers. Candice panted lustily around the orange slice.

"Eat it," Candice told him. "Eat it up..."

Ichigo leaned his head down and delicately bit off half of the orange wedge, the juice dribbling from between his lips. Candice at the other half, and once she swallowed, she enveloped Ichigo in a hot, orange-flavored kiss, her legs squeezing rhythmically, her chest heaving. "Want another slice?" Candice panted wetly between kisses.

"Y-yeah, I... wait." Ichigo pried himself loose and sat upright, staring out the window at the sun. it was awfully high in the sky already...

"Hey. What time _is_ it, anyway?" Ichigo asked.

Then he checked his cell phone's clock. 9:32 AM.

 _Classes!_

Ichigo leaped out of bed as though spring-loaded, going into a minor panic. He scrambled to get dressed. "I'm late, I'm late! No!"

"Ooops." Candice sat innocently on the bed, a finger on her lips as she watched her husband hastily get dressed. "I just wanted to let you sleep in..."

"Candice...!" Ichigo rounded on her. His heart hammered in indignation and shock. Candice had gone too far this time!

*o*o*o*o*

Halfway through his last class of the day, Ichigo barely listened to his professor, instead looking out the window, his chin resting on his palm. He held his gold wedding band in his other hand, turning it over between his fingers, studying how the sunlight glinted on it.

He'd given Candice a pretty honest mini-rant before storming out of the house, and now that he'd cooled off, he recalled the hurt look on her face, and his insides churned with guilt. Had he gone too far? Had Candice? This whole "married" thing... it was a crazy knot to untangle, and whenever Ichigo wasn't under Candice's seduction spell (or aphrodisiac powders), he couldn't reconcile these... these conflicting thoughts in his mind. Where did he go from here? What was their future? Was Candice really right for him?

Ichigo lifted his chin and slid his gold band onto the proper finger, and he imagined its counterpart on Candice's own finger. Well, one thing was for sure. He'd upset his wife, and he owed her...

After class let out, Ichigo visited a few shops around campus and sent Candice a text. She soon met him under a blooming tree on the south side of campus, and Ichigo approached her.

"Look, about this morning," Ichigo said meekly. "I... lost my temper. I'm workin' really hard on my classes, I know, but I can't treat you like that. So, uh... I..."

Candice, today in a white blouse and her usual short jean shorts and leather sandals, tilted her head. "What is it?"

Ichigo felt himself go red as he handed over the fresh flower bouquet hidden behind his back. "Here's part one of my apology. D-do you... like them?" He glanced away, his face even warmer. Passing students giggled at him, and a few girls pointed.

"Ichigo, darling, they're fantastic. Thank you!" Candice closed her eyes for a moment and sniffed the white tulips in the bouquet. "These are the flowers of forgiveness, aren't they? I read about it once... they symbolize forgiveness and apology."

"Th-they are?" Ichigo started. "I... guess it's a coincidence. But yeah, they can represent that. I really _am_ sorry." Ichigo gave a nervous laugh and scratched his head. Whoa, he lucked out!

Now Ichigo held out the package at his feet and offered it. "And this is part two."

"Oh yeah?" Candice held the bouquet under her arm as she unwrapped it. Then her eyes lit up. "Ichigo, this is great!"

She held the box of a lightning globe, everyone's favorite science toy. Touch the glass, and the lightning inside will be attracted to your finger.

"I thought, well, you used to be The Thunderbolt..." Ichigo said modestly.

Candice set down the box and wrapped Ichigo in a tight hug. "I love it. Thank you," she said tenderly into his ear. "And you know what, I'm sorry I made you miss your class. I just wanted to let you recharge, you know, since you looked so comfy in bed. But I understand."

Ichigo was suddenly aware of how sensually Candice was rubbing his back and shoulders, and he winced as a cluster of girls burst out laughing and pointed at him. "Bit much, Candice..."

Candice parted from her husband and put her hands on her hips. "Okay, okay..."

"I called you to campus so I can take you out this evening," Ichigo added. "If you want, I mean..." He fiddled with his wedding band, glancing away.

"Actually," Candice said with a big smile. She clapped her hands together. "Come on out!"

From behind a wide tree emerged Orihime, Giselle, and Meninas. Giselle took the lead, her arms wide, a big grin on her face. "Ichigo, what a big sweetheart you are! I _knew_ you were a big cuddly teddy bear under that scowly, punk attitude!"

"M-mind your own business," Ichigo snapped awkwardly.

"Tulips are Candi's favorite, you know," Meninas said fondly. "How did you know?"

"My favorite is camellias!" Candice retorted. "Do you even know me, Minnie?" Then she held the bouquet closer to her chest. "Don't worry, Ichigo darling, these are still perfect."

Orihime, meanwhile, gave Ichigo a nervous wave, as though apologizing for everyone else.

"What else are you gonna do for Candi, huh? Huh?" Giselle pranced in circles around Ichigo, prodding him even more. "Gonna sweep her off her feet? Ride a horse with her into the sunset? Kill a bear for her?"

"Gee, of course, because I'm some North American frontiersman," Ichigo said, rolling his eyes. Then he blinked. "You're more chipper than usual, Giselle. Are you... hiding something?"

Giselle backed up and grinned wider while glancing away. "I couldn't resist," she admitted.

Ichigo formed a defensive X with his hands. "What the hell did you do _this_ time?!"

"Relax, it wasn't anything _naughty_ ," Giselle said, poking Ichigo's stomach.

"Fine, then what was it?"

"I told your dad about your marriage!"

 _"What?!"_ Ichigo stumbled back. "I-I didn't want him to know about all this yet! Orihime, we promised!"

Orihime smiled meekly and tilted her head. "W-well, uh, I _tried_ to stop her, but Giselle was bound and determined to set up a celebration party. What could I do?"

"Take her down by any means necessary!" Ichigo cried. He ran his hands over his face. Oh no, oh no, oh _no_!

"Gigi has your best interests at heart, you know," Meninas told Ichigo seriously. "Anyway, the party is about to start. Let's go."

Ichigo glanced at his wife. "This is moving way too fast, girls. Haste makes waste!"

Candice giggled and took Ichigo's arm, dragging him to her friends. "Hey, what's done is done, darling! C'mon, it'll be fun!"

Orihime gave Ichigo an aplogetic look that _almost_ calmed him down.

*o*o*o*o*

"Keigo? Chad? _Uryu_?!"

Ichigo could hardly believe his eyes when he and the girls stepped into the Isshin's living room and the party was already set up for them. Ichigo froze in the doorway, suddenly very red in the face. "D-dad! I thought this would be a private little party, not this huge bonanza!"

"My boy!" Isshin took a running leap and tackle-hugged Ichigo, happy tears flowing. "You're all grown up! And you married such a wonderful young lady! Why didn't you tell me sooner, champ?!"

"B-because you'd... react... like this!" Ichigo pried his dad off and fought the urge to kick him across the living room. He scratched his head, his usual scowl in place. "Jeez, if I'd known..."

"Well, _we're_ both happy for you, too," Yuzu said brightly as she and Karin joined the party. She held a cake on a platter, and she smiled. "And now we have such a beautiful sister-in-law!"

"Yeah. Fantastic," Karin muttered, glancing away.

Keigo took his turn to tacke-hug Ichigo. "Bro, you're married! Congrats times a zillion! I can't believe it! I'm gonna cry!"

"Take a hike, pal," Ichigo said, and he gently shoved Keigo back onto the couch. "And 'zillion' isn't a number. And you'd better not cry!"

"Ichigo," Chad said in his deep, firm voice from one end of the couch, "you're starting a new chapter of your life. Aren't you excited?"

"Well, uh..." Ichigo felt the living room and all its people pressing in around him, and once again, the enormity of the situation threatened to choke him. This really _was_ the rest of his life, wasn't it? None of his life plans, short-term or fanciful, had included a spouse! What was Candice planning with her life? What would she do? It was like running a three-legged race while dizzy!

"You look pale," Uryu commented. "Ichigo, why don't you have a seat, and we can give you and Candie our gifts and we can move on to the, uh... games."

Candice clapped her hands together. "Yes! That sounds great!" She escorted Ichigo onto a love couch next to her. "Come on, darling, aren't you excited?" She shook Ichigo's shoulders.

Ichigo swallowed, staring at a spot on the far wall. "S-sure." He felt a bit numb, even when Yuzu sliced up and served the cake while Karin played party music on the sound system at a modest volume. Ichigo had never seen the living room this crowded before, not even when the Hitsugaya Advance Team had bunked here some time back.

"So! Wedding presents!" Orihime said cheerily, and she handed Ichigo and Candice a neatly-wrapped gift. "Here's mine."

"Thank you, Orihime!" Candice swiped the gift and tore apart its wrapping like a ticked-off wolverine, and she gasped in delight at the KitchenAid blender inside. "Hey, it's a drink maker thing!"

"A blender," Orihime explained, and she glanced up as she daydreamed about it. "You can make fruit smoothies, desserts, shred vegetables... or all at the same time!"

Uryu winced. "I've tasted what that's like," he murmured.

Orihime glanced at him. "What?"

"N-nothing!"

Now Chad handed over his gift, or rather, gifts, both of which were in small boxes. Ichigo unwrapped his first: cufflinks shaped like skulls with colorful teeth, polished to a fine sheen.

"They were a family heirloom from Mexico," Chad explained. "My grandfather's. Do you like them?"

Ichigo turned them over in his hands. "They're pretty cool, Chad. Thanks."

"You don't wear enough suits, darling," Candice teased him. "Put one on and try the cufflinks! You'll look _stunning_..." She leaned over and nibbled on his earlobe, and a few people winced.

Then Candice opened her small gift, and she gasped at the amethyst earrings inside.

"My grandmother's," Chad told her. "I have a different set for when I marry, but I wanted you to have those two. Like them?"

Candice sobbed as tears welled in her eyes. "Th-thank you, Chad, they're... oh my goodness!" She wiped her eyes.

"Hey, you've got a way with the ladies, Chad," Giselle said coyly, licking her lips. "I like that... Mmmmmmmm..."

"Moving on!" Uryu said loudly. He gave his gift, which turned out to be a set of fine silverware. Then came Meninas' gift, a fine sundress for Candice and a silk cravat for Ichigo. Next, Keigo gave his gift: the _Kama Sutra._

"Oh for the love of -" Uryu started, until Giselle bopped him on the head.

"Mine next!" Giselle said, and she handed over a package. "Some stuff for you guys in case you're ever apart and miss each other!"

 _Maybe framed photographs of us?_ Ichigo thought, but he and Candice opened up the box just enough to see the two items inside, and Ichigo let out a yelp and hastily wrapped it back up. "Uh... thanks, Giselle! Really!" Ichigo said, going red in the face. "We'll... keep those handy, I guess."

He'd rather mail them to the other side of the world.

Finally, Isshin clapped his hands together. "Okay, I also have a gift for the newlyweds, but I'm saving it for later. Pair up, everyone, 'cause it's time for the newlywed game! May the best team win!"

Ichigo was far too used to Isshin's bizarre house rules for various games to complain. So, he merely braced himself for what was to come!

 _All I wanted was a quiet afternoon..._


	5. Chapter 5

**The Perfect Happy Marriage (probably!)**

by Ulquiorra9000

 **Chapter 5**

"Dad, are you seriously doing a four-team version of the newlywed game?" Karin asked with a sigh as she peeked from around the corner.

Isshin waved. "Wish them all luck! I can't wait to see everyone's answers!"

Now Yuzu poked her head out from around the same corner. "Oh, I don't think I want to see this," she admitted.

"Says the girl peeking at them," Karin said, glancing at her sister.

Yuzu made a pouting face. "Well, I _do_ want to see big brother Ichigo win..."

Ichigo tried to look nonchalant as he stayed seated next to Candice, but darn it, why did Isshin have to pull this stunt?! How was he gonna answer the questions? Everything was still a whirlwind in his mind, between classes, looking for a better job, trying to maintain his cool-guy reputation... and his marriage to Candice.

"You okay, darling?" Candice rubbed Ichigo's shoulders.

"I-I, uh... yeah." Ichigo nodded jerkily.

Candice used two fingers to mime a person walking up Ichigo's arm and across his shoulder. "You're tense, aren't you? Maybe later at home, I can make you _feel better_..." She whispered the last two words into Ichigo's ear.

Ichigo went pink. _Why is this all happening to me?!_

Keigo immediately paired up with Giselle Gewelle (birds of a perverted feather), Chad with Meninas, and Uryu with Orihime. Isshin stood up and puffed out his chest.

"Okay, ladies and gents, I'll go get the dry-erase boards and my best outfit for the game! Stay right there, and don't go away!"

 _That's redundant,_ Ichigo thought as his dad scurried off. A minute later, Isshin came bounding back with a horrible red bow tie and the promised dry-erase boards, and he handed them out to the boys. "Okay, ladies, please wait a moment in the next room with the door shut while I ask your gentlemen the first round's worth of questions! Then for round 2, we swap roles. Ready? Go!"

Candice gave Ichigo a good-luck kiss on the cheek (a rather wet one) and wandered into the laundry room with the other girls and shut the door.

"Now, Ichigo..." Isshin rubbed his hands together. "Write your answer to this question: what is Candice's favorite sex position?"

Keigo let out a bark of laughter and Uryu fell out of his chair in shock while Ichigo recoiled, his face red. "You can't be serious!" Ichigo cried. He held up his dry-erase board like a shield from Isshin's lunacy.

"It's a valid question, my boy!" Isshin declared, fists on his hips. "These other teams are just here as a control group against your lovely marriage. So, what's the answer?"

"At least you're honest," Ichigo muttered.

"The answer, Ichigo?"

"Oh my _god_ ," Ichigo groaned. "Maybe I should move to Taiwan or something and get away from all this..."

Isshin tapped a foot.

"We... haven't _done it_ yet," Ichigo said in a small voice, face still hidden behind his board. "So I don't know."

"For shame, Ichigo!" Keigo cried. "D'you at least know what it _would_ be?"

Ichigo thought back to all his super-sexy moments with Candice. How was she usually oriented?

"Uh... let's say cowgirl," Ichigo said reluctantly.

"Yes, she seems like a cowgirl, all right," Chad put in.

"How would _you_ know?" Uryu sputtered.

Ichigo almost heard Chad shrug. "Her personality."

"Very good. Second question!" Isshin declared. "Ichigo, what is Candice's cup size?"

"Not telling!" Ichigo snapped.

"Please?" Isshin said in his best innocent voice.

"How about a question about me?" Ichigo cried, finally lowering the board. "You're making this so awkward!"

"Oh, silly me," Isshin said with a laugh, but Ichigo wasn't fooled. "Okay, what's _your_ favorite sex position?"

Ichigo was horribly aware of everyone's eyes on him. "Missionary," he said too fast.

Isshin shook his head. "Wrong."

"That's not how this works!" Ichigo roared, and he heard the girls giggle behind the closed door.

"What, then?"

Ichigo gave it a moment of thought: when and if the time came to consummate his marrige to Candice, how...?

"Seriously, missionary," Ichigo admitted. "It seems right. The most intimate, being face-to-face."

"Excellent!" Isshin announced. "Write down your answer. Now, third question..."

And so on it went for everyone, until the boys all had their answers written down, and the girls returned.

"All right, Candice!" Isshin boomed. "For ten points... what is Ichigo's favorite sex position?"

Candice smiled and tapped a finger on her lower lip, glancing up as she thought about it. "Mmmmmmmm... doggy-style!"

"Correct!" Isshin cried, and he quickly motioned for Ichigo to keep his answer board face-down. "We don't even need to see that answer, 'cause we all know you both are so familiar!"

 _Now we're in cheating territory,_ Ichigo lamented.

"Second question," Isshin said dramatically. "Candice, what is Ichigo's dream vacation destination?"

Giselle raised her hand. "Paris!" she shouted happily.

Keigo covered his ears. "Not so loud!"

"Hey! Are we just ignoring the rules now?" Ichigo demanded. "Look, my answer's Hawaii, see?" he held up the board.

"Well, that can't be right. I _know_ you wrote Paris!" Isshin said firmly. "Ten more points awarded to the Ichigo-Candice team! Okay, Candice, last question: how long is Ichigo's manhood?"

Ichigo scrambled behind the couch for cover as everyone burst out laughing.

"Uh, well..." Candice folded her arms and tilted her head. "I'm sorry, but my darling Ichigo hasn't gotten that far with me! Can you believe it?"

Everyone rushed to sympathize with her while Ichigo started formulating his plan to flee to Taiwan.

"I'll guess fifteen centimenters!" Candice finally said.

Ichigo groaned. "Let's just say that she got it wrong."

"Candice is correct!" Isshin declared. "Thirty total points for the Ichigo-Candice team!"

That's it. If Ichigo drove up to the airport right now...

Finally, Ichigo mustered the courage to re-emerge and sit next to his wife, carefully avoiding her gaze. Some party this turned out to be!

"Giselle," Isshin said, "what is Keigo's favorite color?"

"Red!" Giselle hollered, and Keigo confirmed it with his dry-erase board.

 _Of course, they get oh-so-innocent questions,_ Ichigo thought.

"What is Keigo's favorite food?"

"Okonomiyaki!"

"Correct! Now, what is Keigo's eye color?"

"Uh... brown?"

"Correct!"

Ichigo sighed as Isshin moved on to the other two couples. They, too, got throwaway questions, because Ichigo and Candice were the main attraction of the Kurosaki circus. _Ugh._

"And now," Isshin announced, "gents, please wait in the laundry room while I help your ladies prepare their answers. Chop chop!"

"Man, is this the best game we've ever played, or what?" Keigo asked when the four boys crammed themselves into the laundry room.

Ichigo scowled. "If I knew what was coming, I'd have escaped by now."

"Don't worry, Ichigo," Chad said. He shook his head to clear his bangs from his eyes. "I think this is good for you. At least wait and see what questions you're asked about your wife."

"Yes." Uryu adjusted his glasses. "Your father does care, Ichigo. Pay careful attention."

"Cares too much, really," Ichigo commented, and Chad managed a grin at that.

Then the boys were summoned, and Ichigo took a seat next to Candice, who was positively bouncing up and down with excitement. "I can't wait, darling," she said. "Your dad has tons of questions for you!"

"Welcome to the second round!" Isshin said grandly. "Gents, get your game faces on, because this round is worth double points. Let's get started!" He dramatically turned on the spot and pointed at his son. "Ichigo, how many times per day to you say 'I love you' to Candice?"

Meninas and Orihime hid giggled behind their hands while Ichigo blushed. Damn it! What a revealing question! He tried not to fidget. What to say?

"Uh... three?" Ichigo choked out. Through the whirlwind of his marriage, he didn't have a clear picture on anything!

"My dear Candice, your answer was...?" Isshin prompted.

Candice held up her board, which read "Zero :("

Giselle gasped and clapped her hands over her mouth. _"What?!"_

Ichigo grimaced at the hurt looks on Candice's and Orihime's faces, and he went red. "Well, that averages to one and a half times..." he said weakly.

"No points!" Isshin said grimly. "Now, Ichigo, second question... where do you see your marriage in five years' time?"

 _Damn it, dad! I don't know! How am I supposed to know any of this?_ Ichigo felt his throat tighten, and he felt everyone's eyes on him once again. He tugged at the collar of his shirt to cool off. "I-I... well... look, this isn't -"

"Time's up!" Isshin cried. "Candice, your answer?"

Candice did her best sad-puppy look as she held up her board's answer: "He won't tell me! :'("

"Your answers don't have to have emoticons," Ichigo gently told Candice, but she only intensified her sad look and scooted away a bit.

"No points again!" Isshin told them. "Focus, Ichigo! Okay, third question... why aren't you trying harder to make Candice happy?"

Ichigo sat up straighter. "That's a loaded question!"

"You'd better answer," Isshin insisted as Candice fixed Ichigo with a hopeful look.

"Yeah! Why aren't you trying harder to make her happy?" Giselle piped up. "Tell us, tell us, tell us!"

"I hope you have a good answer for this," Uryu added.

"Do something, big brother!" Yuzu cried from her peeking spot.

Ichigo bolted to his feet, his heart racing in his chest. "I can't do this." He stalked to the door, changed into his outdoor shoes, and didn't stop until he reached an outdoor cafe and took a seat, running his hands over his face. He tried to let the late afternoon sunlight and breeze calm him down, but his heart was still beating hard, his mind feeling like it was in a vise.

Ichigo ordered a simple beer and sipped it until he received a text from Candice: _Darling, where did you go? Are you coming back?_

He typed in his answer, and ten minutes later, Candice joined him, her green hair fluttering a bit as the breeze picked up. She sat across from Ichigo at his small round table, shaded under the umbrella.

"I missed you," Candice said quietly.

"Sorry." Ichigo glanced around, then sighed and leaned forward. "No, really, I didn't mean to upset you like that. But I couldn't sit there and get hammered by personal questions. Trust me dad to take it too far."

The same waitress came over and Ichigo gently waved her away. "Candice, I..." He swallowed. "I remember our first date. It was a blind date, right?"

Candice nodded. "I wanted to surprise you and make a big impression."

"And you sure did." Ichigo returned his wife's watery smile. "You're a lot more intense than the other girls I've known. Forgive me, but it's a lot for me to handle, especially now..." He wiggled his ring finger, and his gold band glinted.

Candice giggled shyly. "It's just who I am. And the world of the living is so cool! And..." She blushed. "Being with you, I get so excited, and nervous!"

"I understand that," Ichigo said gently. He leaned back a bit and scratched his head. "It's just, uh... we're so different, Candice. It was fun dating you, but I'm still figuring out the future, and so are you. I was never prepared for this! I'm really lost, and both our lives could be messed up by all this."

Candice licked her lips nervously, then leaned forward too, resting on her elbows. "Look, Ichigo... can I admit something, too?"

"All right."

"I felt so lost and empty when Yhwach turned his back on most of the Sternritters," Candice told him. "I didn't know what to do with myself! Where did I belong? What was my purpose? I didn't really know, until Orihime and Tatsuki helped Gigi, Minnie, and me adopt to living here, in this world. I owe them a lot."

Ichigo nodded. "Orihime's got a big heart. She's really special that way."

"I know, right?" Candice got a fond look on her face. "She really turned our lives around! I'm still looking for the right job for myself... but I wanted something for my _heart_ , too." She held a hand over her heart. "I couldn't forget your face, Ichigo, not after you fought so hard for your friends and the Soul Society. After Yhwach turned on us with the Auswahlen, I realized that I had been in the wrong all along, and you... you were something special." She made a watery smile. "I just had to see you again, Ichigo, and find out if you really could complete me. So far..." She leaned in even closer. "... I think you do."

Ichigo sat there, mind whirling, watching his wife glance away and bite her lower lip. Part of him wanted his old life back and to untangle this whole mess... but where did that leave Candice? And his dad would be so disappointed! But Ichigo shouldn't be forced to make a huge commitment that he didn't really want... but he didn't want to break Candice's heart...

"Orihime told me about your deal," Candice added. "Ichigo, honey, I understand if you want to cancel our marriage. It's... it's a fair option."

Then Ichigo remembered what Giselle had said at the game about vacations, and he grinned. "Hey, I can think of a good way to settle this."

Candice perked up. "Huh? What is it?"

Ichigo waved over the waitress and waited until Candice made her order (banana split). Ichigo swallowed. "I think Giselle had a good point: we _do_ need a vacation, where we can figure this thing out. It's time for our honeymoon. How does Paris sound?"

"Yes! Yes!" Candice clapped her hands together, and she whooped loudly. "and Meninas speaks French, so she can come with us as an interpreter. Yes! This will be so much fun! I _know_ you'll fall for me after this." Then she lunged across the table, knocked over Ichigo's half-drunk beer, and tackle-hugged Ichigo to the sidewalk. She nuzzled him and gave off tingling zaps of lightning.

"C-Candice!" Ichigo yelped. He fought to escape his wife's grip, but couldn't. "You're making a scene!"

"Oh, big deal." Candice started kissing her husband wetly all across his face, her hands running all up and down his body while random strangers stared and giggled at them.

Ichigo groaned. _Giselle's idea had better pull off a miracle. I'm at my breaking point!_


	6. Chapter 6

**The Perfect Happy Marriage (probably!)**

by Ulquiorra9000

 **Chapter 6**

It was darn tootin' lucky that Isshin had generously paid for Ichigo and Candice's honeymoon, because going a quarter of the way around the globe cost a pretty penny! Being crammed in an international flight from a Tokyo airport with Candice was an ordeal on its own (Candice had caused a flight attendant's food cart to fall over _twice_ ), and the layover in Moscow had nearly invited disaster when Candice had dragged Ichigo off to see the Kremlin and they nearly missed their flight to Paris.

So, it was with great relief when Ichigo unpacked his stuff in their hotel room (Hotel de Vries, it was called), and the honeymoon properly fired up!

"Whew! Is this a warm September or what?" Candice said, once she, Ichigo, and Meninas (their interpreter) nabbed ice cream cones at a stand that afternoon. Candice fanned herself with her hand and smiled at Ichigo. Today, she wore a sleeveless, pale blue shirt and a knee-length white miniskirt and leather sandals, and Ichigo had resolutely stuck with his usual skinny jeans, designer sneakers, and logo tee. (If he wasn't dressed for a Nirvana concert, he was overdressed.) Meninas simply wore a deep purple sundress and black flats.

"Maybe we can start with something indoors," Ichigo said, taking a lick of his ice cream as he handed the map to Meninas. "How 'bout a museum or something? They're famous around here."

Candice made a pouty groan. "No way! I'd die in a museum. I can't be cooped up like that."

"Yeah, the flight attendants weren't happy, either," Ichigo muttered. He tried not to remember the Tokyo-Moscow flight in detail...

Meninas, meanwhile, ran her finger along the map, murmuring to herself. Then she grinned and waved the map at Candice. "Candi, there's a museum of erotica art just down the street. And you have to be 18 years old just to get in."

Candice gasped. "That sounds awesome!" She seized Ichigo's hand, threw aside her ice cream, and sprinted down the bustling, sunny street, with Ichigo trying not to trip along the way or catch the disapproving looks of the Parisians.

It was nice and cool in the museum, and Ichigo continued his battle to avoid eye contact with anyone as Candice giggled and dragging him through the exhibits. For sure, Japan's image in France would be ruined by the day's end!

"This one is called _The Forbidden Flame_ ," Meninas said, pointing at a square painting on the wall. She twirled her finger. "I'm sure you can see why?"

"Yeah. I get the message nice and loud," Ichigo said, going redder and glancing away. He was horribly aware of how he was sandwiched between the two girls, who kept seeming to press closer to him. The realistic oil painting had this totally buff dude throwing back his head in ecstasy as he straddled this woman on a wide bed with white sheets, and there were even cherubs on either side of them! With trumpets! What the hell was this place?!

Meninas hummed happily to herself as she led Candice and Ichigo to a marble statue in the room's middle, and she read the plaque. "This one's called _Passion Below, the Great Dream_ ," she translated. "Carved in 1817 by the late -"

"Sure, whatever," Ichigo muttered, trying to figure out an escape plan. His hopes were dashed when Candice wrapped her arms fondly around him and she nuzzled his cheek.

"Hey, Ichigo darling, we should try posing like that," Candice breathed into his ear. "Just you and me, all alone, with some nice candles and body oil..."

Ichigo gave the statue another look and felt his breath catch in his throat. "C-Candice, I swear -!"

"Oh, look!" Meninas pointed excitedly and wandered down the room. "This one is called _When Lovers Fuc -_ "

"I think it's time we see what else Paris has to offer!" Ichigo said too loudly. He winced as a guard scowled and sternly told him something.

Meninas bowed. _"Je suis desolee. Nous ne causerons plus de problemes."_ Then she grabbed both Ichigo and Candice by the elbows and marched them back to the sunny sidewalk. "We have to make a good impression!" Meninas hissed. "Honestly."

Ichigo pouted not unlike his wife. "I know we can, _if_ we stick to the usual tourist stuff. Okay? What about the Eiffel Tower and whatever?"

"It's not just _whatever_ ," Meninas huffed. She put her fists on her hips. "There's also the L'Arc de Triomphe, Le Louvre, and the entirety of Champs-Elysees..."

Ichigo bought Candice another ice cream and tried to put himself back into polite tourist mode as Meninas guided them through the City of Light. On the surface, the city totally lived up to its reputation, but...

 _It's my honeymoon,_ Ichigo thought heavily as Meninas happily led the couple along Champs-Elysees and all its cafes and theaters. _But I don't know what I'm supposed to do next. Am I magically supposed to become the right husband for Candice? And what about her? She's having a great time, but what next?_

Candice skidded to a halt and took Ichigo's face in her hands, a look of worry crossing her features. "You've got that thundercloud look again, darling."

"M-my what?" Ichigo sputtered, his face squished between his wife's hands.

"Your face looks all gloomy and dark like a thunderstorm, Ichigo," Candice told him. She stood on her tip-toes and kissed him. "What's the matter? Tell me!"

"Nothing! I just..." Ichigo was aware of Meninas watching him closely, her eyes unblinking. His heart raced? What should he say? His mind raced, and he felt the reality of all this weigh down harder on him. He was thousands of miles from home, with his wife (who'd gotten him blackout drunk and married him!) and Meninas watching him like an owl.

Why did this all happen to him?!

"Well, _I_ insist we take our chances with the line at the Eiffel Tower," Candice said firmly, patting Ichigo's cheek. "Okay, darling? Will that cheer you up? Meninas can take our picture! Lots, actually!"

Ichigo nodded automatically. "S-sure."

So, he found himself escorted by the two ladies to one of the world's most famous landmarks, but darn it, the whole thing just looked like a huge curvy tower, and the crowd was a monster! No way would Ichigo and Candice get a visit to the very top unless they slipped about a zillion euros into the staff's pockets.

"Come on, let's do funny poses!" Candice found a clear spot of ground in the Tower's shadow and leaned on Ichigo, smiling as she draped her arms around him, head on his shoulder as Meninas used Candice's camera. Ichigo stuck his hands in his pockets and managed to put on his best tourist face as Candice frolicked around him. Whatever made Candice happy.

"Okay, let's do that statue thing," Candice said with sudden lust, and she shoved Ichigo flat onto his bum on the grass. She climbed right on top of him, sighing with content as she traced a finger down Ichigo's well-defined chest. "Y'know, those lovers in the statue were nude," she breathed.

Ichigo tried to squirm free. "Y-you're kidding...!"

"Relax, we don't do it _all the way_. But at least a little bit..." Candice tore off Ichigo's shirt and pressed herself onto her husband, slowly dragging her electric tongue along Ichigo's cheek. "Hurry, Minnie!"

Meninas smiled wickedly as she captured the moment on film, and Candice tossed aside her own shirt and sensually rubbed her bare skin along Ichigo's.

"H-hey, this isn't... whoa..." Ichigo's breath caught in his throat as his wife slid her smooth skin along his, playful little zaps of lightning arcing between them. He felt himself starting to get aroused as Candice's large breasts pressed against his chest, the fabric of her pink bra soft on his sweaty skin. He felt himself take hold of Candice's shoulders to keep her steady as she kept grinding herself against him, Meninas still capturing the whole thing on film.

 _You sure don't read about_ this _in the tourism books!_ Ichigo thought without realizing it. He let Candice take over as she sighed excitedly and unzipped his jeans, her trembling fingers all over the fabric of Ichigo's undershorts.

Ichigo felt himself squeezing Candice's shoulders tighter, his body getting more steamily aroused, his breaths coming in gasps -

 _"Excusez-moi! Arreter, maintenant!"_

A security guard jogged over, pointing at the misbehaving couple, a stern look on his face.

Candice froze. "Minnie, tell him that we're in the middle of something intimate."

"I think he knows that," Meninas said dryly.

"Then make him go away!" Candice insisted.

Meninas sighed and tried to placate the guard. _"Je m'excuse pour le mauvais comportement de mes amis. Nous allons partir maintenant."_

The guard huffed and folded his arms. _"Oui, oui. Laissez! Vous tout!"_

Candice innocently put a finger on her lower lip. "What did he say?"

Meninas helped Candice and Ichigo get dressed. "We have to go somewhere else or we'll be in trouble. Come on, let's not test his patience."

Looking very disappointed, Candice took Ichigo's hand in hers and headed further down the street, back to Champs-Elysees.

Ichigo definitely felt self-conscious later while his mind cooled down, as Candice and Meninas herded him along the classy, cafe-studded streets. What kind of honeymoon was this?! What was _he_ doing? Was he overthinking this? Was he in over his head, and headed for a marital disaster?

The sun crept along the sky as Meninas showed her friends Notre Dame, the famed cathedral, along with the sights, sounds, and lovely food scents of the Latin Quarter, the Luxembourg Gardens, and even the L'Arc de Triomphe. It was all beautiful, almost surreal to Ichigo. He'd never been this far from home, and he found that he kind of missed his quiet bedroom, visiting his dad at the Kurosaki Clinic, meeting Keigo and his friends for a beer, or catching up on Orihime's amusing new gossip and recipes. Not that he hated Paris; maybe he just missed the comforting familiarity of Karakura Town... the way things had once been...

 _Who am I supposed to be in this marriage?_ He didn't have the answer. He didn't know where he was going in all this, or where Candice fit in his life.

Ichigo was sure that he had his thundercloud face back on.

"Whew! What a day, huh, darling?" Candice said cheerily to Ichigo late that evening, as they wandered along Champs-Elysees yet again (Candice kept gravitating to it). "Wasn't it fun, Ichigo? Wasn't it?"

"It... I think we covered a lot of ground today, yeah," Ichigo said vaguely, nodding his head.

Candice squeezed her husband's hand tighter in hers, and her eyes softened. "Ichigo, are you okay?"

Ichigo blinked. "Sure, why?"

Candice let go of Ichigo's hand and ran her finger down his cheek. "You're so tense. Come on, tell me what's wrong. Are you hungry? Or tired? I know, I'm kind of tired, too..."

"I..." Ichigo couldn't get the words out, not even when he looked into his wife's imploring green eyes. He fiddled with his gold wedding ring, and it seemed heavy and cold on his finger. "It's nothing."

"Ichigo, you've got the thundercloud look again," Candice told him. "You can't fool me!" She waved a finger at him.

Ichigo recoiled. "Really, it's nothing..."

"You're lying," Meninas said simply.

"Am not!" Ichigo said a little too quickly. He felt himself flush.

Candice made a sympathetic noise and took Ichigo's shoulders in her hands. "Are you hiding something, Ichigo? Don't be scared..."

"Yeah. Tell us already," Meninas said briskly.

Ichigo scowled. " _Both_ of you?!"

"Spit it out already," Meninas insisted.  
"Yeah, you're totally hiding something," Candice added. "Say it, say it, darling!"

Ichigo felt his head spin and his palms sweat, and there seemed to be a spotlight shining down on him as the pressure mounted! _What the hell do I do?! Candice, I don't understand!_

Then he sighed.

"I'll... meet you back at the hotel, okay?" Ichigo said with forced calm after a moment. "I promise. You and Meninas can explore Champs-Elysees a bit more if you like. I need some time to think."

Candice lowered her hands and bit her lower lip. "Okay. I'll see you later." She tip-toed and kissed Ichigo's cheek. "I won't keep you waiting too long," she added quietly.

"Thanks." Ichigo stuffed his hands into his pockets and shuffled down the still-crowded streets. Let's see, the Hotel de Vries was down this street, then to a left, down two blocks... Catches of French conversation whisked past him as he made his way through the vast city, and he turned the corner to reach his hotel and the wonderful peace and quiet in it.

Instead, he found a bar with a small theater across the street, and an unfamiliar fountain at the intersection.

Ichigo's heart froze. _What the?!_ He whirled around, looking for the landmarks that surrounded the Hotel de Vries, but none presented themselves. This part of Paris was totally new to him.

 _I'm lost!_


	7. Chapter 7

**The Perfect Happy Marriage (probably!)**

by Ulquiorra9000

 **Chapter 7**

Ichigo felt himself starting to sweat in the cool evening as Parisians crowded past him, chattering away. What the hell?! He was so sure that he'd followed Meninas' route to the Hotel de Vries, but nope! He might as well be on the Moon! Okay, things wasn't that bad. But still...

"Damn it..." Ichigo drew out his cell phone and dialed his wife's number. He pressed the phone to his ear, but after a few tones, it went to voicemail: _"Hi! You've reached Candice Kurosaki! Sorry, but I can't answer. Leave a lovely message, and I'll call you back ASAP! Promise!"_

Ichigo swallowed and spoke up. "Hey, Candice, it's Ichigo. You won't believe it... I got lost! Please call me back and have Meninas guide me, all right? It's getting pretty late." He hung up.

Then again, in case Candice didn't get the voicemail, why not try and get directions from the locals, too? Shrugging, Ichigo headed into the charming bar and pushed his way through the crowd. At the same time, he got out his little phrase book and cleared his throat at the bartender. "Uh... _excusez-moi. Ou est le Hotel de Vries?"_ He prayed his pronounciation didn't make him sound like a cat choking on a hairball.

The bartender nodded and rapidly gave directions, motioning with his hands. But Ichigo didn't catch a word. "I, uh... _repetez, s'il vous plait,"_ he said slowly, reading off his phrase book. He needed to hear that again!

But the directions were unclear even on the second go-around. Now seriously starting to freak out, Ichigo turned to the other patrons, and two girls his age smiled and giggled. _"Vous-etes japonais? C'est si super!"_ one of them said. She had wavy brown hair and wore a parted jacket over her red blouse.

Ichigo scratched his orange hair. "Wh-what?"

 _"Ah, vous avez des cheveux orange? Magnifique!"_ the other girl, a redhead, said, and she positioned Ichigo between herself and her friend. A cheery selfie for the three of them commenced.

"Th-that's nice of you ladies," Ichigo said with a forced smile, "but I'm lost." He took a deep breath. _"Ou est le Hotel de Vries?"_

The first girl's eyes widened. _"Oh! Suivez-moi!"_ She took a surprisingly strong hold on Ichigo's upper arm, and she and her friend marched him out of the bar and down a street and back down the street, where a pleasant breeze picked up.

The second girl, the redhead, tapped her heart. _"Je m'appelle Marie. Et toi?"_

"Oh, my name? Ichigo Kurosaki."

 _"Ichigo? C'est un nom japonais, oui?"_ the first girl said brightly. She pointed at herself. _"Annette."_

"Nice to meet you ladies," Ichigo said, finally relaxing a bit. With any luck, Marie and Annette would get him back in familiar territory before dawn! What a hassle this honeymoon turned out to be!

As they walked, Ichigo shared his phrase book and pointed out a few things. Once the girls gave it a look, Annette asked slowly in accented Japanese, "Are you... here for the first... time?"

Ichigo nodded. Annette's pronounciation was pretty good! But the guide book didn't have enough words to fully explain his situation... what to do? He'd have to get creative!

As the trio waited at an intersection, and a large bus rumbled past, Ichigo mimed putting his arm around a girl's waist. _"Une fille pour moi,"_ he pronounced very badly. _"Avec moi. Je suis perdu."_ Put roughly: he was here with "a girl for him", and he was still lost.

Marie whooped and clapped. _"Ta femme, Ichigo? Comment elle s'appelle?"_ She checked the guide and repeated: "What is... the name of your wife?"

Ichigo felt himself smile without realizing it. "Candice Kurosaki."

"What is... she like? How does... she look?" Annette asked slowly and carefully as the three of them crossed the street.

Ichigo brought out his smartphone and showed them a picture of when Candice had forced him into an awkward two-person selfie, with Candice smiling and mashing herself on a struggling Ichigo while she took the picture.

 _"Elle est si belle,"_ Annette said with a sigh, swiping away Ichigo's phone in her gloved hands to study it. "She is very beautiful! Japanese, also?"

Ichigo hesitated; what exactly were the Quincies, anyway? Uryu and his dad Ryuken were ordinary Japanese people with Quincy powers, but the Wandenreich had existed in the shadows for a millenium... but Candice had brought herself into Ichigo's world to be with him... Ichigo cleared his throat. Heck, Candice was definitely his kind by now. _"Oui. Candice est japonaise."_ He put his phone back in his pocket.

"Where is she?" Marie asked, her Japanese getting better by the second. Man, these girls were smart!

Ichigo shrugged, and swept his arms to encompass all of Paris.

"You should find her," Annette told him as they crossed another intersection into a marketplace. "Soon, yes?"

Ichigo nodded.

Finally, something familiar popped up: a small skyscraper with a red sign that Ichigo had seen from the windows of the Hotel de Vries! Was he close? He quickened his pace, and his long legs strode far ahead of Marie and Annette. Giggling, the girls raced to catch up. "Very tall," Marie said.

Ichigo merely grinned.

After another fifteen minutes, the trio came up to the River Seine, and they marched right across one of its bridges. "Hotel is close," Annette told Ichigo. "Find soon!"

Ichigo jumped out of his skin when his cell phone buzzed and chimed in his pocket. Nearly dropping the poor thing, he whipped out his phone and accepted the call. "Candice!"

"Darling!" came Candice's voice. "I totally missed your call! I'm sorry! But this place is noisy, and Meninas and I found this torch-juggling mime who -"

 _"C'est ta femme?"_ Marie asked slyly, pointing at Ichigo's cell phone. "Wife?"

Ichigo gave the thumbs-up. "Candice, where are you and Meninas? These two local girls brought me to this bridge over the River Seine."

Candice gasped on the line. "What?! Me too! Hang on..." She chatted with Meninas. "I'm on the Pont des Arts bridge. It's over the same river! Come find me. Hurry!"

She hung up.

Ichigo grinned again and put away his phone. "Pont des Arts," he said. "Please?"

 _"Oui!"_ Marie and Annette both took Ichigo's hands and raced across the bridge, and once on the other side, they guided him to the next bridge, sprinting past people, apologizing as they bumped into random pedestrians. Then the girls led Ichigo across the new bridge, and they stopped, pointing the way.

Ichigo bowed. "Thank you. _Merci_."

"It was nothing!" Annette said, and she and Marie scampered off.

Ichigo sighed with relief and shuffled across the Pont des Arts. He thought he recognized this name... but why? Where had he heard about -

"Ichigo! Darling!"

Candice threw herself onto her husband and wrapped her arms tight around him, laughing with glee. "I thought I'd lost you!" she cried.

"W-we did, technically," Ichigo choked out. Damn, Candice was strong when excited!

Candice let Ichigo loose and put her hands on her hips as Meninas waved. "Did you miss me, darling?"

Ichigo decided to answer by taking Candice's head in his hands, leaning forward, and mashing his lips on hers. He sighed through his nose, savoring the sweet taste of Candice's soft lips on his. Finally! It felt so... right.

"Goodness, darling," Candice panted when they parted. "You _did_ miss me!" She smiled shyly and toyed with her green hair. "Or did this bridge give you the idea?"

"Bridge?" Ichigo asked blankly. His heart was still racing in his chest, his mind light with relief, being with Candice again. Who cared about some bridge?

"This is the Pont des Arts," Meninas reminded him. She walked off and motioned for the Kurosakis to follow. "Look."

Ichigo saw what she meant: along a chain-link fence were thousands of padlocks of different sizes and colors, all with names etched or written on them! A dazzling display of metal! It was actually kind of beautiful, like a work of art. "Who put all those locks there?" Ichigo asked. _Now_ he recognized this place.

"Visitors from around the world put their and their lover's names on a lock and secure it onto this fence," Meninas told him. "And then they throw the key into the Seine."

"We should do that too!" Candice said eagerly. "Let's go get a lock."

Meninas shook her head. "Candi, didn't you see the sign when we got here? Look." She pointed at a blue and white sign with a message in black latters. Meninas translated: _"Visitors may not place locks onto the bridge, or else will be fined. Stay clear whenever Paris city crews are at work removing the locks."_

Candice pouted. "Minnie, that's outrageous! I wanted to put a lock on it! How else can my darling and I announce our love?"

Meninas shrugged. "We can buy a lock, but we'll have to take it back to Karakura Town or something."

"Yes!" Candie clapped her hands together. "We'll put our names on it and find a special place to put it." She wrapped her arms around Ichigo again and nuzzled his cheek. "I can't wait, Ichigo."

"Yeah," Ichigo said automatically, but it did raise a question in his mind. Candice had been a fun girlfriend at times, and heck, this marriage was starting to come together as well. But... "announce our love", as Candice said. _Did_ Ichigo love her? Where did he stand? What would it mean for him, and his future?! This honeymoon helped him appreciate his wife... but something was still missing. Did he just need more time? Or another push?

Candice tapped her finger on Ichigo's nose. "Darling, you have your thundercloud face again..."

Ichigo blinked. "I'm just tired. Candice, hon, we should all get to bed. It's late."

" _Bed_ , huh?" Candice let out an excited zap.

Ichigo jumped. "J-just for sleep! I've had a long day." But his heart was racing excitedly once again.

Meninas smiled and started off. "Follow me, Kurosakis."

*o*o*o*o*

Both Isshin and Giselle Gewelle were already waiting at the Tokyo airport when Ichigo, Candice, and Meninas stepped off their return flight and into the terminal's crowds. Giselle glomped Candice and Meninas while Isshin grinned and thumped his son on the back. "Have a good honeymoon, champ?"

"I'm not _champ_ ," Ichigo said, rolling his eyes. "And it was fine."

"Just fine, huh?" Isshin crossed his beefy arms.

"Well..." Ichigo glanced over at the three Sternritter girls giggling over the pictures on Candice's smartphone. "Dad, I want to keep my marriage to Candice -"

"I KNEW IT!" Isshin squished Ichigo into pulp as he bear-hugged his son.

Ichigo somehow escaped Isshin's grip, his face red. "But I need to figure out some other.. stuff," he said defensively. "Okay? And no interfering! This is my problem to fix."

"Ichigo, my boy..." Isshin put his fists on his hips and glanced over at the Sternritters. "Candice is a great gal. Whatever's bothering you, you'll fix it."

"Yeah. Maybe."

Still, on the drive back to Karakura Town, Ichigo got out his soul pager and sent a message. _**To: Renji A.**_ _Renji! Come meet me in the world of the living, will you? You're a pretty slick guy, right? I mean, you can handle Rukia and everything. so you know your stuff. I could use a little guidance._

Renji's message popped up a minute later. _Jeez, fine. But I've got duties here for Squad 6, and Captain Kuchiki doesn't make a lot of allowances, you know._

Ichigo tapped in his response. _Just make it down here, all right? Call it a favor._

 _Fine, whatever,_ Renji typed back. _Oh, hey. Looks like Squad 7 needs my help with something. I'll open up a senkaimon gate when I'm done. See you._

Ichigo read the message and nodded. The sooner he figured this whole thing out, the better!

*o*o*o*o*

"Woo hoo! Home!" Candice threw open the rented house's front door and waltzed up the stairs to her and Ichigo's bedroom. "Come on, darling. Let's make out on the bed."

"Give me a minute. I'm having someone over," Ichigo called up. "I'll see you a bit later, okay? I promise."

"Okie dokie!" Candice called down, and she gently closed the bedroom door.

Just in time, there was a knock on the front door. _Good timing, Renji,_ Ichigo thought, and he gratefully swung the door open.

"Chin up, Kurosaki. At least _look_ like a real man."

Ichigo stumbled back. He recognized that yakuza-like haircut and stylish pair of shades! "Lieutenant Iba?!"


	8. Chapter 8

**The Perfect Happy Marriage (probably!)**

by Ulquiorra9000

Author's note: lemons are back in full force in this chapter!

 **Chapter 8**

"That's right, Kurosaki. It's me. And it's Captain now," said Tetsuzaemon Iba. His shades glinted in the afternoon sunlight. "Surprised?"

Ichigo pointed an accusing finger. "What the hell! Renji told me -"

Iba grinned wolfishly. "I convinced Captain Kuchiki to assign Lieutenant Abarai to take care of Goro -"

"Who?"

Iba made an impatient noise. "The mascot dog of Squad 7! Don't you interrupt me, boy. Now, Abarai has his hands full, so I'm taking over."

Ichigo narrowed his eyes. "You don't think that Renji is up to the job?"

Iba chuckled. "I'll be damned, you're got some brains after all, Kurosaki." He muscled his way into the house and tapped Ichigo's upper chest with a finger. "Gonna make a man out of you, Ichigo Kurosaki. Those Sternritters aren't easy to handle, on the battlefield or in postwar reparations! So, you need a strong hand to guide you in your life with Candice."

"I, uh..." Ichigo glanced up the stairs, but Candice hadn't made a sound. "Are you in a gigai right now? Those aren't Captain robes..."

"Good eyes, kid." Iba thumped his chest. "I use this gigai for my world of the living business. Between you and me, I visit this world for its fashion and other trends. Today, I'm gonna let you into that world so you can impress your lady, and you'll sure as hell thank me later."

Ichigo gave Captain Iba another look. The burly Captain wore expensive-looking slacks and polished shoes, plus a dark red button-up shirt with the top two buttons undone, and a parted black suit jacket over that. His gold watch, and a partly-visible dragon tattoo on his chest, marked him as no ordinary dude.

Iba clapped a hand onto Ichigo's shoulder much like Isshin. "Let's go, Ichigo. Got no time to waste."

"S-sure." Feeling a bit trapped, Ichigo called up, "Candice, hon, I'm running a few errands, okay? Back later!"

"See you later, darling!" Candice hollered through the closed door in a sing-song voice.

Iba steered Ichigo out the door and toward an idling Cadillac. "First up: we smarten you up, boy."

"Uh... come again?"

Ichigo got his answer when Iba drove him to a tailor shop a few blocks down the road, and into a secret back room behind a bookshelf. Like in a James Bond movie! But with a Yakuza-like Captain!

And more Yakuza people inside, too!

"Hey hey, you brought a new guy?" a tough man said, glancing over as Iba delivered Ichigo to the spacious secret room.

"Clear out, fellas. Private business," Iba said, puffing out his chest. At once, everyone except an older man headed out.

"Captain Iba, I don't -" Ichigo started with a weak smile.

The older man clapped his hands together and brought out a measuring tape. "You'll be Ichigo Kurosaki, yes?"

Ichigo jumped. "Who's asking?" he blurted.

The old man smiled evenly. "I'm Shouta Shinai, Mr. Iba's personal tailor. I work only with the finest fabrics and latest styles. Anyone will look like a king after visiting my shop."

Ichigo waved nervously. "Nice to meet you. But I can't afford..."

Iba thumped Ichigo's back. "Eh, it's on me, kid. Just repay me by wearing your new duds with pride."

Ichigo couldn't get out another word before Mr. Shinai started measuring every part of his body and testing the tautness of fabric on Ichigo's clothes.

"So, young master Kurosaki," Mr. Shinai said kindly, "I believe that you have a lady to impress? Candice, was that her name?"

Ichigo blinked. "Y-yeah, how'd -?"

"Mr. Iba told me about your situation," Mr. Shinai said, now measuring Ichigo's shirt collar. "I know all about the Soul Society, the Quincies, and other matters. Why, even Kisuke Urahara has been here once."

Ichigo held back a laugh. Mr. Hat-and-Clogs, visiting this high-end tailor? What an image!

"It would seem that your marriage is off to a slow start," Mr. Shinai said. "Clothes make the man, young master. No lady can keep her hands off you once I'm done here."

 _Candice is too hands-on already!_ Ichigo thought, but he kept a respectful silence as Mr. Shinai flitted around the room, muttering to himself as he sorted through different fabrics and buttons.

In no time at all, in a whirlwind of suede and Armani and Calvin Klein, Mr. Shinai encased Ichigo in... well, the best damned suit he'd ever laid eyes on! Ichigo couldn't help a big grin as he studied himelf in front of a tall mirror, arms wide, AC/DC's "Back in Black" playing in his head like an anthem.

Iba clapped. "Bravo, Kurosaki! I knew you had it in you! Another fine job, Shouta. Bill me in the usual manner. Kurosaki and I have more work to do."

Shouta Shinai bowed and backed away. "Of course, Mr. Iba."

Ichigo was halfway through the song's second chorus as he headed out with Iba.

"Next, you carry yourself appropriately for the suit," Iba said as they both strode down the busy sidewalk. "Pride! Manly dignity! Reserve! All these things and more make you the best you can be. Show me!"

"Okay, um..." Ichigo adopted a brisk, confident pace, randomly nodding and grinning at people, or smoothing his suit jacket, or winking. But Iba wasn't having it.

"No! You're a buffoon!" Iba conked Ichigo on the head.

"Ouch! What the hell!" Ichigo rubbed his head.

"Like _me_." Iba stalked down the sidewalk like he owned it, chin lifted, giving people stern glares from behind his shades, chest still puffed out. Most people looked alarmed and gave him a wide berth, or gasped and scampered away.

"This doesn't seem right," Ichigo said with a wince.

"This is the high-roller life!" Iba snapped. "You've got a lady waiting for you at home, Ichigo. You're not goin' back to her like the sad dog you were earlier!"

Ichigo scowled. "I'm a _what_?"

Iba gave Ichigo a shove. "Do it!"

So Ichigo did his best, bustling down the street like a Yakuza kingpin or whatever, but he got the feeling that his shocking orange hair was drawing more looks than his would-be, tough-guy act.

Iba sighed. "Looks like you need more work. Time for the real makeover!"

Over the next two hours, Ichigo ran screaming from a torrent of scary tattoo parlors (which used the painful tradtional methods!) to gambling halls to betting on prize fights to roaring down the street in car races! Iba grinned like a maniac, trying to shove Ichigo headfirst into scary Yakuza life. Ichigo, meanwhile, finally put his foot down after Iba's fourth attempt to get an orange dragon tattooed on Ichigo's chest.

"I'm not... some kingpin!" Ichigo cried, storming out of the tattoo parlor. "This isn't _me_. I just want to be cool and slick, not bash everyone's skulls."

Iba followed, holding out his hands to pacify his student. "Fine, fine. I get it. You want a toned-down approach, huh?"

"Yes! That's what I've been saying!"

Iba gave Ichigo a hard glare.

"Crap." Ichigo winced. "I didn't mean to yell. But seriously, I just wanted to look great and maybe learn a few tips or tricks, that's all."

Iba grinned and held up a finger for emphasis. "Relax, Ichigo. I've got just the thing. Have Candice dress up in her finest, and I'll pick you both up at 7:00 and take you somewhere nice. Classy. Perfect."

"Like what?"

"Just a straightforward date. I've got it under control."

"Okay. Thanks." Ichigo calmed down as Iba drove him back home, but he failed to notice the cunning grin curling the Captan's lips.

*o*o*o*o*

"Woo hoo! To _us_!"

Candice popped open the champagne bottle in the back of the small limo that Iba had provided at 7:00 sharp, and Ichigo made a bracing smile as he let his wife pour him a glass. Stylish music hummed in the speakers and all kinds of expensive cigars, snacks, and rare sake were on hand, but Ichigo didn't have the guts to touch them. Candice, meanwhile, had helped herself. Tonight, she wore a fine lavender-colored gown with elbow-length satin gloves, a fine gold necklace, and her usual pearl earrings. She was _stunning_ , no doubt, but Ichigo knew what kind of animal lurked under her first-class, _Titanic_ -worthy looks.

"Captain Iba is pretty generous, isn't he?" Ichigo commented lightly. He was decked out in his black suit, and he tried to look like he'd always been this way.

Candice chugged all her glass's champagne in one go and refilled it woozily. "He's awesome!" She raised her voice. "Iba! You're awwwwweesooooooome! Whooooo!"

Tetsuzaemon Iba gave the thumbs-up at the driver's cabin. "Ready to go, lovebirds?"

"Floor it!" Candice cheered.

Ichigo, meanwhile, nursed his champagne and prayed that Iba wouldn't let things get too insane around here. By now, Ichigo needed to prove that Candice was the girl for him, that she was his proper _wife_ , that he was excited for their future together! Something endearing like that.

But...

"Mmmmm, you're like a new man," Candice said even more woozily, after she finished her second glass and leaned on Ichigo. She ran her satin-gloved hands down Ichigo's chest, letting out little tingles of lightning. "But you're still you _where it counts_."

Ichigo smiled. "Thanks, hon. I'm looking forward to a nice evening, just the two of us." _Just TWO of us, right?_

Nope!

Ichigo found himself at an expensive opera house in the front row of seats, surrounded by... Yakuza types! And their Sicilian and Russian and Irish mafia friends! _What?!_

Ichigo, with Candice already tipsy in the seat to his right, leaned to his left to mutter into Tetsuzaemon's ear. "This isn't what I bargained for!"

"You and your wife are guests," Iba muttered back. "This is your life now."

"Is not!"

"Well, you and Candice are guests, then. But this is _our_ lifestyle, and some of us have come from far away to see this show," Iba said sternly. "It's a real treat for you both to be here. Remember that!"

"You said it'd be a simple date!"

"Yes: we watch a world-class opera, we clap, we show off our lifestyle to the rest of the audience... an ordinary date," Iba told him. "Candice is the finest young lady here, and you, you're an up-and-coming gentleman."

Ichigo knew it was no use. He sighed and leaned back in his seat as the opera singers got into position on the stage and the audience applauded politely.

Candice, meanwhile, passed Ichigo a bottle of sake. "Here, darling."

"W-we shouldn't be drinking in here!" Ichigo hissed.

"It's fine," Iba told him.

Ichigo braced himself and took a swig. Damn, that sake was good!

And so was the music! Ichigo felt himself surrounded by the exquisite sound, like he was taken into another world, his mind transformed... or was it the sake? Candice kept passing the bottle back and forth, and it was empty before Ichigo knew it. He felt a pleasant buzz in his brain.

What was he complaining about, again?

Ichigo hardly even paid attention to the music as he felt Candice wrap her arms around him, and when he felt her ticklish, warm breath play with his ear, it was like "what opera?" Ichigo grinned as Candice nibbled on his earlobe, letting out little zaps from her tongue the whole time. Ichigo felt his face warm, his skin tingling with excitement. Damn, this opera was hot!

"I'm tired of sitting," Candice whispered smoothly into her husband's ear. "I need some... well... fresh air. Join me?"

Ichigo squeezed his way past the other opera patrons as he held Candice's hand, and he followed her through the opera house's dimly-lit back hallways, Candice giggling the whole time.

"Where're we going?" Ichigo asked gleefully.

"Oh! How about this!" Candice threw open the performers' costume room door and shut it behind them, and in the bright lights, Candice took hold of Ichigo's suit jacket. Panting heavily, she mashed her lips on Ichigo's, making all kinds of wet smacking sounds as she got Ichigo's jacket off and tossed it aside.

 _Now this is better!_ Ichigo leaned into Candice's sloppy kissing and ran his hands along her breasts, gently squeezing and testing the fabric, his pants starting to grow taut. Ichigo gently guided Candice against the wall and held her there, his trembling fingers undoing the buttons on the back of Candice's outfit. He eased the gown down her body, panting with delight as he tossed the garment aside. He ran his fingers along Candice's sweat-slick skin and sighed. Perfect!

"Ichigo, you dog!" Candice smiled and threw Ichigo to the carpeted floor, straddling him in her undergarments. Her wavy green hair spilled over her shoulders and tickled Ichigo's face, her breasts heaving, her eyes twinkling. "You can't wait to get some, can you?"

"N-nope!"

"Well, me first! I'll be gentle, I promise. This suit looks expensive..." Candice licked her lips and undid the buttons on Ichigo's shirt and loosened his tie. She carefully set aside the shirt and tie, then started running her tongue along Ichigo's bare chest, moaning as she savored his well-defined pecs and abs. Little zaps of lightning danced around her skin.

Candice undid Ichigo's belt buckle and his zipper, and she slid his slacks down a few inches. With a naughty smile, she ran her hands along Ichigo's crotch, lingering on every contour of his bulging underpants. "Oh, you _are_ happy to see me," she said playfully. Her fingers curled around her husband's manhood over the fabric, gently squeezing and kneading.

Ichigo gasped with delight. "Wh-whoa, you know what you're doin'."

"Maybe a little more, darling?" Candice lowered herself and kissed Ichigo again, just as wet as before, her lips hot with lust.

"M-me next," Ichigo panted. As soon as Candice let him go, Ichigo reached up and unclasped Candice's lacy pink bra, and he slowly, lovingly, eased it off her breasts, exposing her darkened nipples. He toyed with Candice's left nipple between his fingers, and his wife sighed with delight.

Candice tossed her hair. "Ready for a little more, darling?" The sake was still sweet on her breath.

Ichigo nodded eagerly.

Now, Candice took hold of Ichigo's right hand and guided it up her left thigh, inching its way up, higher and higher, until Ichigo's fingertips brushed the soft, silky fabric of Candice's panties.

Candice smiled wider. "I'm feelin' a little frisky, Ichigo, darling."

"Me too!"

"Then prove it. Make me feel _alive_." Candice sighed again as she eased Ichigo's fingers to her crotch, and when she let go, Ichigo took over. He pressed his fingers and palm to Candice's panties and rubbed back and forth, slowly, getting a little faster each time. His wife gasped and threw her head back in delight, her hips bucking with arousal, her breasts jiggling and heaving.

Ichigo kept his flattened hand on Candice's crotch, feeling her flesh under the thin layer of fabric growing wetter by the second... he pressed a little harder, going a little faster, and he grinned as Candice let out an even louder moan.

"I-Ichigo, just a little more!" Candice cried. "M-more!"

Ichigo eased two fingers inwards, just a little, experimenting with the opening in Candice's slick flesh. Just a bit more -! "Candice," he panted, "I... I lov -"

Loud voices babbled outside the door just before it slammed open.

"Whoa!" Ichigo scrambled out from under Candice, scooting away as he saw Giselle Gewelle struggling to hold Renji back.

"Let them do it!" Giselle said cheerily. "C'mon, Renji! This is what they _need_."

"This isn't what Ichigo wanted!" Renji snapped, and he slowly dragged his way into the changing room. "I've gotta put a stop to this!"

"Renji? Gigi?!" Candice covered herself with her discarded gown. "What the heck?!"

Renji finally broke free of Giselle's grip and wiped his brow. "Hey there, Ichigo, Giselle. Sorry I'm late."


	9. Chapter 9

**The Perfect Happy Marriage (probably!)**

by Ulquiorra9000

 **Chapter 9**

"Where the hell have you _been_ , Renji?!" Ichigo snapped, going even redder in the face. He hastily zipped up his pants and threw his shirt and suit jacket back on, then stood to face his friend.

"Captain Iba blindsided me, man," Renji said defensively. He wrenched his wrist free of Giselle's death grip and he rubbed the sore, red skin. "Tricking me into taking care of Goro... so this is what he had planned. I should have known."

"Oh, you're Ichigo's friend, right?" Candice said brightly, standing up and using her gown as a towel to cover herself. She smiled. "Renji Abarai?"

Renji shrugged. "That's me. Look, this night's totally screwed up. Why don't we all go home and -"

Giselle giggled and gave Renji a playful slap on the head. "No, silly! We have to let the Kurosakis do what comes naturally! Let the lovebirds take flight."

"Too late for that," Ichigo muttered.

Candice tilted her head. "Huh?"

Ichigo cleared his throat. "Candice, Giselle, Renji's got a point. Let's get outta here." Mercifully, the interruption had cleared Ichigo's sake-fogged head a bit and knocked some reason back into him.

Giselle pouted and stomped a foot. "No! Candi and Ichigo haven't gone all the way yet. What kind of marriage is this?!"

"With any luck, a sane one," Renji said dryly, heading for the door and beckoning. "Come on. I'll take you all home."

Candice glanced at her husband. "Uh... what d'you wanna do, darling? Still want to leave?"

Ichigo shrugged off his suit coat and draped it over his wife, and he gently brushed a finger along her jaw. "We all need to cool our heads," he told her. "Okay?"

Candice glanced at Giselle, then sighed theatrically. "All righty."

*o*o*o*o*

Morning sunlight, the chatter of Karakura Town's crowds, and breakfast resharpened Ichigo's mind as he took a brisk walk with Renji. Ichigo blinked in the bright light, but damn, it beat the hangover that he nearly got last night!

"Okay, I've gotta ask..." Renji said, in his usual gigai. He wore a Hawaiian shirt and tan slacks and sneakers, his hands in his pockets. "At _what_ point did you decide that third base in an opera house was a good idea?"

Ichigo sighed and ran a hand over his face. "It all happened so fast, man. I couldn't even stop myself."

"Emptying a bottle of sake didn't help either, I bet."

Ichigo scowled. "How'd you know -?"

Renji glanced away. "I... cornered Captain Iba last night after you went to bed, and he told me everything about the date."

"Then you know that this crap was all _his_ idea!" Ichigo said earnestly. "Right? Right?"

"Slow down." Renji poked a finger into Ichigo's stomach. "Captain Iba is pretty, uh... you know what, forget him. This is about you. You're still married to Candice, so there's _some_ part of you that believes in this marriage. But then you go and nearly screw things up."

They both stopped at the sidewalk at an intersection, and Ichigo sputtered indignantly as a taxi motored past. "Hey, that's not what - 'screw things up'?!"

Renji scratched his head and made an impatient expression. "Ichigo, you asked me for my help! After being with Rukia for awhile, I know a thing or two -"

"Candice is hardly Rukia."

"Will you listen?"

Ichigo pursed his lips. "Sorry."

The pedestrian crossing light changed, and both men strolled across the street. "I think you're still scared of all this. Overwhelmed," Renji said. "And you know what, I don't blame you. Marriage... it's huge, spending the rest of your life with someone, reshaping your future... even I haven't... well..."

Ichigo grinned. "Don't have the guts to pop the question to Rukia?"

Renji went as red as his hair. "D-don't nose in, Ichigo!"

Ichigo grinned. "Maybe I should give _you_ advice instead."

"Oh yeah?" Renji exhaled and cooled off, his eyes locked onto Ichigo's. "Then tell me, wise one: when will you learn to be honest with yourself?"

"Huh?"

Renji returned Ichigo's grin, twice as cocky. "You keep foolin' around with Candice, sure, but it's just a fling with wedding bands in it. When will you realize that you're her _husband_ and not a dedicated booty call?"

Ichigo skidded to a stop. "What the hell -"

"Meninas tells me stuff, too," Renji explained. "She really tries, but that Giselle girl screws things up before they get intimate. And you're not helping, either."

"Just what are you saying, man?"

"That you need a chance to really see things clearly, and not in terms of how fast you can undress Candice." Renji's eyes narrowed. "Dig deep, Ichigo. What is this marriage to you? What is Candice?"

"Well, she's..." Ichigo stopped as though something lodged itself in his throat. Damn, Renji asked a simple question, but the answer... Ichigo's mind flashed to Candice's radiant smile, her trilling laugh, her gentle caresses... he loved all those things, but what were they, added up? What made this marriage what it was, and what it could be?

Ichigo hung his head. "I don't get it, Renji. Things have moved so fast, and I didn't get a chance to figure it all out. At our honeymoon, I realized that I wanted to keep Candice in my life. When I got seperated from her, it was all I could think about, to find her again."

Renji nodded. "That's what I'm talkin' about."

"But I dunno where to go from here," Ichigo admitted.

Renji resumed walking, and Ichigo jogged to catch up. "Well," Renji said, "maybe we can brainstorm a few things..."

*o*o*o*o*

"So close! You were so _close_!" Giselle said yet again, and still too loudly.

Giselle hovered around the Kurosaki rental house like an obnoxious bat, and even Candice had to admit that Sternritter Z was overstaying her welcome, both in the house, and in her marriage! But Gigi was her friend...

Candice paced around her and Ichigo's bedroom while Giselle sat on the corner of her bed. "Yeah, I _know_ , Gigi, but..."

"But what?" Giselle's eyes widened, and she clapped her hands over her mouth. "Don't tell me... Ichigo couldn't keep _it_ up?"

Candice went pink. "That wasn't the problem!"

"There's no problem, Candi. You just gotta try again." Giselle hopped into her feet, bunny-like, and held Candice's shoulders to stop her pacing. "Just get back on that horse and don't stop 'till you get what you _really_ want!"

Candice sighed. "But..."

Giselle let her friend go and threw open Candice's closet. "Okay, show me your cutest undies, Candi."

"These." Candice fondly held up her laciest, pinkest Victoria's Secret stuff.

Giselle clapped her hands once. "Great! Now, your shortest skirt..."

"This one." Candice showed her.

"Good! And your lowest-cut top. I'm telling you, Candi, your chest is in your top three best bodily features..."

Candice rifled through her closet. "Um, I think it's one of these... um..." She sighed again and tossed everything back, and sat on Ichigo's desk chair. "Forget it, Gigi."

"Whaaaaaat?" Giselle jabbed a finger at Candice's stuffed closet. "Don't you quit on me, Candi! You ain't gonna seduce Ichigo with an attitude like that! We gotta formulate a sleazy plan to -"

"Last night was fun," Candice admitted, "but you know what, that Renji guy has a point." She folded her hands in her lap. "What _are_ Ichigo-darling and I doing? We're married now! I wanted, well... a little more than this. We're past the dating stage, after all."

Giselle made a sympathetic noise and knelt next to her friend, arms around Candice's shoulders. "I know, honey. It's not easy defending your reputation as the hottest girl in Karakura Town -"

Candice made a face. "That's not what I said!"

"... But if you come with me to that sex shop down the street, you'll be queen once again!" Giselle patted Candice's cheek.

"Dammit, Gigi!" Candice sprang to her feet, arms folded, steam coming out of her ears. "That ain't what this is about! Ichigo and I..." She relaxed. "I'm starting to ask myself... 'what are we?' and I can't say."

Giselle gawked up at her. "Come again?"

"Like I said, Ichigo-darling and I had fun when we dated," Candice admitted. "But now what? When I think of him and me together, I can't decide what _we_ are! How do I show him? How will he show me?"

Giselle stood and shrugged, glancing up in thought. "And here I thought you had perfect domestic bliss."

"I did," Candice told her, "but after the first few days, the reality of all this really hit me, you know? I feel like something's missing, Gigi."

Giselle stared at her friend in awe. "Whoa, you're getting serious, Candi!"

"I know. I wish Minnie were here," Candice admitted. "Where'd she go, anyway?"

Giselle shrugged again. "Exploring Karakura Town and the lame little towns around it. I mean, why bother -"

Candice jumped when her cell phone made a tone. She checked it, and a picture message from Meninas showed...

"Ooooooh!" Giselle swiped Candice's phone from her hands and studied the image. "Classy."

Candice beamed, hands clasped behind her back. "I think this is what I needed, Gigi. Check it out!"

She had barely spoken when the front door banged open and Renji's and Ichigo's voices filled the living room.

"Darling!" Candice stole her phone back and raced down the stairs, where she threw herself onto Ichigo. "You're just in time! I've got an idea."

"Me too," Ichigo told her brightly. "Candice, I was thinking -"

Candice put a shushing finger over Ichigo's mouth and showed him the picture. "How about this?"

Ichigo grinned. "Hey, that's even better than the idea Renji and I had."

Renji looked annoyed, but he still nodded in agreement. "It's perfect."

*o*o*o*o*

That weekend, Ichigo rented a car, packed some stuff, and drove himself and Candice to Karakura Town's rustic, charming countryside. He was _certain_ that Renji and/or Giselle would stalk them out here and keep tabs on them, but heck, he put that out of his mind for now. He and Candice had the perfect plan!

"And here... we... are!" Ichigo announced when he pulled up. He got out and took Candice by the hand, leading her up the front steps. "Nice and cozy, isn't it?"

"Even better than the picture Minnie sent me," Candice said happily, her eyes taking in the charming, British-style bed and breakfast inn called "Lakeside Napping!" Pretty dumb name, but the place had good ratings on Yelp! and had great prices. Score!

Ichigo opened the front door (it made a charming wooden creak) and he grinned at the rustic, late 19th century decor and housing style. "It's like another world in here," he commented.

"It's the cutest inn I've ever been in," Candice cheered, arms held wide as she wandered and twirled around in the well-lit lobby. Her wavy green hair and her white sundress fluttered. "Come on, dance with me!"

Then she stopped and waved. "And look! There's even an eccentric landlord! Hello, sir!"

 _Eccentric, huh?_ Ichigo thought. _He can't be crazier than -_

Ichigo recognized the sound of wooden _geta_ sandals on the floorboards, and he turned to behold a blond man with his face half-hidden behind a paper fan and his stiped hat's brim.

"Welcome, welcome, Kurosakis!" Kisuke Urahara said from behind his fan, his cloak billowing behind him. He lowered the fan, showing his wide grin. "Glad you could make it out here! It's been awhile, Ichigo..."


	10. Chapter 10

**The Perfect Happy Marriage (probably!)**

by Ulquiorra9000

 **Chapter 10**

Ichigo pointed a melodramatic finger at Kisuke the landlord. "You... you're the owner of this dump?! Whatever happened to your candy shop?"

Kisuke made a sly grin. "Oh, _now_ you don't like this place."

"Sorry." Ichigo made a dismissive gesture. "But seriously! I didn't know that you had slithered your tentacles into the hospitality industry."

"I got the idea from a tourism magazine," Kisuke explained, "and a few loans later, here I am! Still paying off those loans, but it's worth the hassle. I couldn't be happier here!"

Candice continued her twirling dance around the place. "Me neither, Mr. Urahara! My darling Ichigo and I are all alone out here, in our own little world, no one to disturb us..."

Ichigo couldn't help a grin. Hey, at least Candice was happy. It was kind of infectious!

Kisuke cleared his throat. "Well, um... actually..."

The door to the kitchens slammed open and Giselle, Meninas, and Renji all piled out. "You guys finally came!" Giselle cheered through a mouthful of cinnamon bun. "Sure took your time."

"Don't eat all the food, Giselle," Renji told her, swiping away what was left of the dessert. "Aren't you gonna pay Kisuke back?"

Kisuke waved his hand. "Don't sweat it, guys. The couple of the hour is here. That means we can start."

Ichigo narrowed his eyes. "Start what? I haven't even unpacked yet." _Another would-be innocent vacation down the drain..._

"It's time for team-building exercises," Meninas said cheerily. "Come outside, and we'll have lots of fun!"

Ichigo sighed and let Meninas lead the way.

*o*o*o*o*

"Half the people who come visit my inn are here just for the lake," Kisuke said proudly, once everyone assembled at the sparkling lake's pier. He placed his paper fan over his mouth. "Arrange into teams, and the race can start!"

Ichigo tilted his head. "What's the big idea, Kisuke?"

"Exercise, fresh air, team-building, and fun," Kisuke said with an entirely unconvincing innocent tone. "Chop chop! What's your team name?"

Candice wrapped her arms around her husband and smiled. "We're the Kurosakis!"

"No, a team name," Renji corrected her.

"Oh. uh..." Candice glanced up in thought. "Ichigo, darling, can we use my letter for our team? We can be the Thunderbolts!"

Ichigo nodded. "Whatever you like." _I wonder what all the sane people are doing back in Karakura Town today?_

Giselle whacked Renji on the head with her open hand. "And we're Red Team!"

Renji rubbed his head. "Gee, real clever. And don't hit me! Aren't we on a team now?"

Giselle giggled and elbowed her teammate. "Buck up, Renji. Don't let the Thunderbolts beat us!"

Ichigo scratched his head. "So, Meninas, are you...?"

"I'm the ref," Meninas said, and she drew a whistle from her pocket. "Everyone into your boats, and get ready to race!"

Ichigo settled into a rowboat and helped Candice climb in. "How's your upper arm strength?" he asked.

Candice beamed and did a bodybuilder pose. "I can do anything, darling. Watch me!"

Giselle and Renji settled into the other boat, and Meninas pointed. "See the black-and-white checkered flags? Those are the finish line for the first race. Ready, set..." She blew her whistle super loudly.

Ichigo took one glance at the competitive look on Renji's mug and decided that he was _not_ going to lose today! He bared his teeth and rowed with all his might, and as promised, Candice rowed pretty hard, too! Water sloshed and splashed as their boat raced across the picturesque lake, making a pretty good pace to the finish line. Ichigo grinned; this actually felt pretty good! Maybe this bit of exercise and change of scenery _was_ good for him.

"We're almost there, Candice!" Ichigo panted, his arms burning as he kept rowing, the boat creaking around him.

"Look out!" Candice cried.

Giselle and Renji had caught up, and with a big, goofy grin, Giselle jabbed out her oar like a medieval jouster and shoved Ichigo's and Candice's boat out of the way, pointing them at the wrong shore.

"Oh gee, my hand slipped!" Giselle teased them.

"Gigi, that's no fair!" Candice retorted.

"Try and catch up, Thunderbolts!" Renji taunted, and he and Giselle hurried off to the finish.

"C'mon, honey, they can't beat _us_!" Ichigo said boldly, rowing hard to get his boat back on course. "We can still win this!"

"That's the spirit, darling!" Candice said happily, and she rowed as hard as possible. But it was too late; Red Team crossed the finish line, and Meninas blew her whistle.

Ichigo panted for breath once he parked his boat on the shore. "Shoot. I was sure we had it in the bag."

"Better try harder, Thunderbolts," Kisuke said once he and Meninas joined them on the shore. "The next race is worth double points, you know!"

Ichigo blinked. "Since when were we keeping score?!"

"The next finish line is between those green flags down there," Meninas explained, pointing. "Get ready, Thunderbolts, Red Team! In positions, please!"

Ichigo gave Candice a quick grin. "So, hon, ready to reclaim our rowboat honor?"

Candice smiled. "Ready!"

"Ready... set..." Meninas blew her whistle with eardrum-shattering force.

Ichigo hunched his shoulders and rowed like a champ, and with Candice backing him up, they kept a good pace, and the ever-so-desired finish line started to draw near. Not even Red Team could keep up at this rate!

Until...

"Take _that_!" Giselle shouted in glee.

Ichigo cried out in shock when Giselle fired a little Quincy arrow, and the glowing bolt tore right through his rowboat's hull! The hole widened and water poured in.

Candice waved her oar in anger. "Gigi, stop cheating!"

Giselle and Renji's boat caught up, and the boats were side by side. "Sorry, Candi! But I wanna win," Giselle declared. She pointed. "Renji, do it!"

Renji sighed and jabbed his oar at the leak, and Ichigo's boat started to come apart.

Candice's skin tingled with angry lightning. "That does it! How about... _this_?!" She manifested her bow and split Giselle's boat in half with a thick arrow of lightning.

"Noooooooooo!" Giselle wailed, and both she and Renji plunged into the drink. But seconds later, Ichigo's own boat collapsed, and Ichigo gasped at the cold water.

"Quick. The shore!" Ichigo panted, and everyone swam for the welcoming sandy shore. Meninas and Kisuke were already there by the time the Thunderbolts and Red Team staggered onto the shore.

Candice moaned as she ran her hands through her lime-green locks. "Gigi, my hair is ruined! It'll take forever to fix this. Saltwater is not good for me..."

"Everyone, get your wet clothes off before we get hypothermia," Renji ordered. "Come on, don't be shy."

Kisuke shrugged. "This turned out about how I expected, honestly."

Meninas sighed. "Me, too."

Ichigo reluctantly peeled off his wet shirt and jeans, and he felt his face warm as Candice tossed aside her soaked blouse and skirt. He tried not to stare, but he felt his eyes magnetized to Candice's pink bra and her wet breasts...

Candice smiled. "Can't keep your eyes off?"

"I-I wasn't..."

"Go ahead and look. _I'm_ getting an eyeful while I can." Candice's eyes raked Ichigo's well-defined abs, and Ichigo decided to feel less guilty about admiring Candice's chest. Fair was fair!

Meanwhile, Renji whipped off his shirt and pants, and Giselle stared in lusty awe at Renji's monster abs and pecs, and his stylish tattoos from his stint in Squad 11. "Renji... you're..."

"What?" Renji asked.

Giselle instantly stripped to her lacy black undies and tackled Renji to the sandy beach, where she straddled him and started kissing him all over his face. "Damn, I like you better this way," Giselle sighed in Renji's face. "And we're both so wet..." she ran her hands all over his chest.

Renji went pink and squirmed under Sternritter Z. "The hell are you doing?!"

"Making the most of our little boating accident," Giselle sighed again. "My goodness, you've been holding out on me! Now, hold still..."

"Gigi!" Candice snapped, but it was too late. Giselle was already grinding her crotch against Renji's, the wet fabric rustling, Giselle's hips rocking lustily...

"Get this freak offa me!" Renji hollered.

Kisuke took entirely too long to get over there and pry Giselle off him.

"Hey," Giselle said indignantly, "my darling Renji and I were just -!"

Renji got up and scrambled away from her. "I'm outta here!"

"No you're not," Meninas told him. "There's still the soccer match, and the three-legged race, and badminton left."

Candice clapped her hands together. "Those sound like fun! Are you ready, Ichigo?"

"Sure," Ichigo said warily.

Giselle broke free of Kisuke's grip. "New idea," she said, pointing a finger upwards. "We're cold and wet... so let's do all those sports naked, okay?"

Renji was halfway through summoning a senkaimon gate to escape when Kisuke dispelled it.

"Gotta stay, Renji," Kisuke told him merrily. "Don't worry, I'll rein in Giselle for you. Red Team needs all its members on board!"

Renji hung his head. "Fine."

*o*o*o*o*

Everyone warmed up by a roaring fire that Kisuke lit up, and once in dry clothes, the group assembled at the makeshift soccer field as clouds gathered overhead. "The goal here is that love triumphs over all," Meninas declared. "Thunderbolts, Red Team, whose passion will prevail?"

Renji winced. "What kind of arbitrary rule is that?"

Giselle ran her hands fondly down Renji's shoulders. "She's got a point, pineapple head! We've gotta win!"

"B-but we're just friends!" Renji said, going pink again.

"Mmmmmmmm, we can be more than _that_..." Giselle ran her finger down Renji's chest.

Renji drew back. "I have a serious girlfriend back in the Soul Society!" he cried. "I'm not gonna cheat on her 'cause you've got a crush, Giselle!"

"If we win," Giselle said, "then you date _me_. Okay?"

"Not okay!"

"Glad you agree."

"Hey -!"

Ichigo glanced at Candice. "How about that, we finally set Giselle up. Even if it's never meant to be."

Candice smiled. "Gigi never had much restraint."

Apparently, that was true of all Sternritters!

Kisuke raised his hand. "Let the match begin!"

Meninas blew her whistle and tossed in the soccer ball.

Ichigo had plenty of soccer practice under his belt from Karakura High, but damn, Renji knew his way around a ball! The red-head dominated the field with his inpeccable kicks, but Ichigo noticed that Renji was playing not to score, but to prolong the game. Of course... he didn't want to win and have Giselle try to win him over!

Candice had clearly never played soccer before, but she picked up the rules and whooped with joy as she kicked the ball around and chased Giselle. There were plenty of fouls going on, but Meninas ignored them and let Giselle and Candice unleash their competitive spirit. But before anyone could score, the clouds turned dark overhead and released a light, drizzling rain.

"Crap! We're wet again," Renji complained.

Giselle promptly stripped down to just her panties. "Guess what this means, darling!"

"No!"

Ignoring the soccer ball entirely, Giselle chased Renji across the field and ripped off his shirt. Poor Renji retreated to Ichigo and Candice for help, and Ichigo dove to tackle Giselle to the ground and pin her down. Too slow; Giselle slipped by him and caught up to Reni, where she reduced him to his underpants once again.

"No! I'm want to propose to my girlfriend soon! I can't be like this with you!" Renji roared at Giselle, then stopped, his eyes wide. "Oh," he added, more quietly. "Whoa, I really _am_ gonna ask her, aren't I? Saying it out loud gave me a little courage, I think."

"Good for you!" Giselle said, then she pinned him to the ground. She leaned in to make out with him -

"Dammit, Gigi!" Candice punted her friend a few feet away. "Let the poor guy be!"

Giselle got to her feet, rainwater dribbling down her perky, smallish breasts. "Jeez, fine," she conceded. She pointed at the Kurosakis. "There's more games to go. I won't let you win!"

Ichigo took his wife's hand in his. "Ready?" he asked her.

Candice nodded. "Yup!"

*o*o*o*o*

 _"Whew."_

Ichigo sighed with exhaustion after the games once he and the others finally retreated back into the bed and breakfast inn as the rain kept drizzling outside. "I'm ready for dinner."

Kisuke snapped his fan into place over his mouth. "Sure thing, Ichigo. I'll fire up the oven and light a fire for the spit."

"What, are you cooking a whole pig?" Renji asked.

"Something or other," Kisuke said vaguely, heading for the kitchens. "Now, everyone to your rooms to relax! I'll signal when dinner's all set."

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "What, are you gonna kick open my door and announce it with a megaphone? I bet you would."

"N-no," Kisuke said, hastily hiding the megaphone that rested on a nearby shelf.

Giselle tugged on Renji's arm and led him to the staircase. "C'mon, pineapple. Help me bathe."

"Bathe yourself!"

"Please?"

"But..."

They argued all the way up the stairs.

Ichigo, meanawhile, gave Kisuke a warning look and retreated to his room with Candice and shut the door. "What a ride," he said with another sigh. "Kisuke and Giselle are gonna drive me nuts."

"Gigi doesn't exactly have an 'off' switch," Candice admitted. "What can I say?" She removed her soaked clothes and put on a fluffy, lavender-colored bath robe.

Ichigo merely nodded and changed into a robe, too. He sat on the bed, back against the headboard, and turned on the old-fashioned TV that sat on the dresser. "Hey, a cooking channel," he commented.

"Mmmm-hmmmm." Candice curled up next to Ichigo and yawned widely. "Ooooh, I'm tired. Can I lie down on you?"

"Go ahead."

Ichigo watched Gordon Ramsay cook a fine pasta dish on the TV as his wife lay across his lap. He heard the rain intensify outside, the raindrops rattling on the window, a strong wind swaying the tree right outside the inn. That, and the grandfather clock ticking on the room's north wall next to the laden bookshelf, tempted him to doze off.

"Mmmmmm." Candice shifted comfortably on Ichigo's lap. "You sure warmed up fast, darling. This is cozy..."

"Glad I could help," Ichigo said simply. "I guess we're not playing any more games outside today."

"That's okay. We could play softball with your dad and sisters when we get back," Candice mumbled into Ichigo's robes. "It'll be fun."

"Yeah. Karin throws a mean curve ball."

On the TV, Gordon started listing ingredients for a lava cake recipe, and outside the windows, the rain refused to let up. And on Ichigo's lap, Candice started snoring gently, shifting a bit, her lime-green hair spilling across Ichigo's knees.

Ichigo felt a smile tug on his lips as he lightly touched his wife's cheek. This felt so... _right_. Even if it was just TV before dinner, this somehow seemed better than any of Kisuke's mad games or Tetsuzaemon's Yakuza swagger. Maybe it was because things had _finally_ settled down from the usual frenzy?

"You asleep?" Ichigo asked quietly, and Candice didn't respond, though she shifted again, her bare feet brushing against the wood-paneled wall.

Ichigo rested a hand fondly on Candice's waist as he changed the channel to a local baseball game. He didn't know exactly how to put all this into words, but finally, his marriage felt... complete. Happy.

Perfect.


	11. Epilogue

**The Perfect Happy Marriage (probably!)**

by Ulquiorra9000

 **Epilogue**

"You did it? For sure? You did?"

Ichigo couldn't help pestering Renji with questions on the day after his bed and breakfast trip as they headed back to Ichigo's house from Isshin's place. Evening light bathed the crowded sidewalks and a taxi motored past on the street.

"Yes, I already said I did," Renji said, amused, hands in his gigai's pants pockets. He clearly meant to sound off-handed, but Ichigo could sense his glee. "It worked out fine."

Ichigo did his best to give Renji a bro-hug while walking. "This is great, Renji. I wish I had been there. She must be pretty stoked, man."

Renji grinned. "Stoked? Carrot top, I proposed to a _Kuchiki_! They like to act cool and lofty, but their emotions run red-hot. Rukia was blubbering with joy harder than you are!" He chuckled.

Ichigo nodded. "How did Byakuya take it?"

"I'll never fully figure out the Captain's mind," Renji admitted as they rounded a corner, "but I like to think that his stoic expression was hiding pride and happiness for his sister-in-law's future. And mine."

Ichigo clapped Renji firmly on the back. "Yeah, you keep on thinking that."

Renji made a face. "Ichigo...!"

"Just messing with you, man. Okay, here's my place."

Ichigo stopped at his front step. "So, uh... got any more business here in the living world?"

Renji shook his head. "Not for a while. I might drop by someday to see how you and Candice are doing, but other than that... we've got wedding prep to do. Gonna be a real handful."

"I hope Giselle doesn't try to crash it."

"Don't sweat it, Ginrei and Byakuya Kuchiki has an airtight security system." Renji hesitated. "But I might feel generous later and invite her anyway. With double supervision."

Ichigo laughed. "You'll need it. See you another time. And seriously... congrats."

Renji merely gave Ichigo a tight grin and whipped up a senkaimon gate. He stepped through.

 _Man, we're all growin' up, aren't we?_ Ichigo shrugged and unlocked his front door, and stepped inside.

"Finally!" Candice waltzed over from the TV, which was on a cooking channel (once again starring Gordon Ramsay). She wrapped her arms around Ichigo and gave him a welcoming kiss on the cheek. "Did you have a good time visiting your dad and sisters?"

"Yeah, I did," Ichigo said casually, once Candice let go of him. Seeing that cooking channel... it solidified a few thoughts in his mind. He took a deep breath. "Hey, um... Candice?"

Candice smiled. "Yeah?"

"That bed and breakfast trip... it was chaos, wasn't it?"

Candice nodded. "Sorry about Gigi. She never listens to me."

Ichigo felt his heart race and he tried not to fidget. "It's not her. Look... I really did have a good time back at the inn, and when we finally got some time to ourselves in our room, I realized... we don't need some big flashy show to prove our marriage's worth." He took hold of his wife's shoulders. "I think it's just the everyday moments together that make it worth it. When we slack off and lay in bed together in the morning, or make a messy breakfast, or watch a cooking channel, or window shop, or whatever else... that's all I want. It's perfect."

Candice's smile widened and she went pink. "I-I think you're right, darling. I _do_ like sharing all those moments with you. Especially when my crazy friends don't nose in."

Ichigo gently squeezed Candice's shoulders. "All we have to do is stop and listen, and appreciate what we have. Like they say, the simplest solution is the best."

"Very smart, darling!"

"Thanks." Ichigo took another deep breath. "It helped me realize that I love you."

Candice's eyes widened. "Ichigo, you -?"

Ichigo leaned forward and kissed his wife long and deep. "I love you, Candice, and I can't _wait_ to see where our marriage takes us. It'll be fun."

"Y-yeah." Candice smiled and fidgeted. "I've waited to hear you say that, Ichigo. Best day ever!"

Ichigo chucklled and smiled back. "It sure is."

"Ichigo, I love you more every day, you know," Candice breathed into his ear. "Will you love me more tomorrow?"

"I will."

"And the day after that?"

"Yeah."

"And _way_ into the future?"

Ichigo kissed her again. "I will." What he was feeling... it wasn't spontaneous, erotic lust like he and Candice had done during their dating period. It was... deeper, something self-assured and bright, something honest. Something he'd never let go of. And he felt the same thing radiate off of Candice, every bit of her.

Ichigo hesitated for just a second, then decided, yeah, this was the time. He took Candice's hand in his and led her back to their room, where he gently shut and locked the door.

Ichigo didn't say a word, nor did he have to, as he resumed his deep, hot kiss with his wife as he tore off all his clothes and scattered them on the floor. Getting the idea, Candice fumbled to get her own clothes off, her blouse, skirt, and lingerie falling to the floor in no time. Then, Candice lay flat on her back on the bedcovers, her legs wrapped around her husband's waist, their skin already slick with sweat, their breaths coming in heavy gasps.

"D'you think..." Candice swallowed. "Aren't your roommates coming back soon? They're usually around by now..."

"Don't worry about them, hon." Ichigo traced a line of kisses down his wife's neck, his nude body quivering with excitement as he gently lowered himself on Candice. "As far as I'm concerned -"

"Yeah," Candice sighed, catching on. "We have all the time in the world."

 **The end!**


End file.
